Shiinto no Saisuuheiki
by KillingMeTenderly
Summary: “She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me… not” another petal was blown away, by the wind “Alas, she will never see me as anything else save a monster…” There was a book, she shouldn’t read. There was a secret, he shouldn’t reveal.
1. Diary in the flames

Shiinto no Saishuuheiki

Silent Weapon

By KillingMeTenderly

Book in the flames

To reach, for something beyond reaching, to search for something, that can not be found, to love and desire that someone, that can never be yours...He knew that she belonged to his brother, oh that fact have kept him awake many sleepless nights, but still how he longed to hold her little frame, to touch her cherry lips, if it was even for a moment. The days he craved for her, in his dreams he had her. He knew how wrong this one-sided yearning was, but he just couldn't help it, for he lived just to think of her crystal eyes, to watch her midnight tresses sway to the wind, to fell her aroma hug him in the heat of the battle. This was the only way to see her- on the battleground, her scent mingled, whit this of dead, blood and sorrow. One look was able to bring him to his knees, one word and he would be her willing slave, one tear and he would revenge for even the simplest insult, one request and he would happily end his life. He lived for this moments, when he was able to be near her, his love, his desire, his sun and moon, his night sky, his Kagome...

…his Kagome, that was never his.

All was peaceful in the shard-hunters camp… well at least as peaceful it can be with a grumbling hanyou, angry demon exterminator, perverted monk, that was just a bit unconscious, hyperactive kitsune and miko that was temporally counting back the seconds to her own outburst.

'…18…17…16…15…14…' The beautiful young woman was thinking.

"Stupid humans always walking too slow and idiotic wenches that can not live a damn day without a bath… refreshing my ass only looking for a way to make us crawling even slower…"

'…13…12…11…10…'

"...HENTAI!!! How could you I already told you "No touching" better stay in the world of the sleeping…"

'…9…8…7…6…'

"Momma please can I have some more candy, please, please, please, pretty please..."

'…5…4…3…'

"…Useless shard detector…"

'…2…1…BOOM'

"SIIIIIIIIIT, Inuyasha I am bathing, Sango take a hold of your self, no Shippou only after diner."

"Feh, wench, what did I do?" The face-planted hanyou mumbled.

"You are right Kgome-chan, sorry" The older girl said as she dragged, the now unconscious Miroku to the cam fire, where the fire neko Kirara instantly jumped on her lap and purred.

Shippou's sad face was talking more then enough for the miko in training, but she wasn't giving in oh no, she still remembered his last chocolate fever, like, who could forget crazy fox demon running around the camp, giggling like mad and talking strange things.

"OK gays see you soon" She sing-songed happily after fetching her bath suet, few towers and her soap and shampoo.

Smiling the young priestess made her way to the nearest hot spring, that the group found the same day. Its beauty held her captive of the memorizing view. Dark boulders were making the perfect contrast with the crystal water. Dark green lush forest was completing the magnificent flora. Nice flower scent was to be noticed.

Smiling happily at the beautiful picture Kagome started to undress slowly. Dainty hands pulled the shirt over her head, uncovering tinny waist and ample bosom. With her skirt falling she presented shaped hips, which turned into long, seemingly unending legs. Black tresses were following her spine and rimming her heart- shaped face. Little feet slowly stepped into the water, stealing sigh from her cherry lips, her blue eyes shining and showing her inner peace.

Leaning on a bolder, she quietly started to clean her body and hair, with the enchanting smelling shampoo and soap. Her toughs drifted to all the things that happened in the last two years in the wandering era. The Shikon shards were getting lesser and the girl was sure that the last battle whit their ultimate foe- Naraku was taking place in the near future. Many of Naraku's puppets were dead, tanks to the Inu Tahci, Kouga, and some even from Sesshomaru himself, but the strongest- Kagura- the wind- user, Kanna and Moryoumaru were still standing their ground.

Kikyou has had many encounters with Inuyasha, and Kagome was not presented on all of them. Sometimes Kagome felt useless in this never-ending love triangle: my love, his love, her love, my past life and her future rеgeneration. Everything was way too wrong for her liking. Inuyasha was ready to die for Kikyou and able to live for her. The young miko's heart broke every time Inuyasha went to his lover from bones and soil, but Kagome was able to understand the older girl's feelings as well. To die, believing, that the person you care about wants you dead, to spend eternity in place far away from the world, whit no hope for light, to live life based on hatred and feed whit dead souls. Kagome was sure that Kikyou was not as bad as everyone thought, just hiding her emotions, her fears. There were times, when Kagome have seen the way the dead miko was looking at Inuyasha with the kindness and love of a young living and breading girl, not only a shadow made of dirt and souls.

Between the years Miroku and Sango became very close. Steel there were the classical cries "Hentai" and many slaps, but Kagome was sure that if they were to really rid the world of Naraku, that there won't be much time until the two had a house and about sixteen- seventeen child running around.

Kagome was actually seeing Sesshomaru- the Lord of the West and an older brother to Inuyasha lesser now. Not that she missed the "Die, Inuyasha" lines and so on, but Kagome had never really hated him. It was really fun watched his eyes widen after she told him to leave her friend alone, and find a life while he is at in. Actually since the" Rin case" like she secretly called it in her head, he hasn't bother them. She still remembered the fight for Sounga- there for a split second she thought she saw something akin to care in his eyes, when he stopped the attack to her and the little girl. It was true that his grace and beauty were remarkable, but his cold and distant nature was keeping him from having any sort of relationship. She was wondering, if he ever had fallen in love, but immediately suppressed the idea- yeach right this… Shiinto no Saishuuheiki to have feelings for a person from the opposite sex.

She felt bad that she called him that, not that he would eve hear it, but it was rude and she thought, that maybe there was steel hope for Sesshomaru's love life. Desperate she was now seventeen she giggled like a school girl. The arrogant Lord was just not her idea of romantic lover.

She rose from the hot water, shivering some from the cold. As she turn to fetch her thins, she got a glimpse of fire.

"What the…"she said aloud 'Looks like someone got a free show, oh well, it's not that he or they will live to tell the story!' she fumed.

The girl fast dressed and stomped in what looked to be a camp. "YOU, IDIOTIC BAS… uh, empty? No way, it's defiantly not my day today…" What looked like to be a camp, now looked like a deserted camp, only the fire still burning Just when she was about to leave she got the glimpse of something in the fire… some sort of book. Without much thought she used her foot to get it out of the flames. Waiting a second to let it cool down, she picked the object. She was instantly delighted by the beautiful cover- silver with blue moon on it. Writings were very rear for the feudal era, and this one looked precious. 'Who whit normal-functioning mind would leave a book in the flames?' she thought.

There was something very familiar about the book, but she just couldn't but her finger on it. "To hell with thinking" she said, and book in her hand she started walking to the camp, before Inuyasha got all grumpy. 'I know- she mentally started-it's wrong to gat something that is not yours, but it's not that someone really wanted it. This is not stealing; it's just me and my damn curiosity.'

Hugging the slightly burned book tightly she made her way to the camp where she was waited by energetic kit, grinning monk, angry demon exterminator, "feh"ing hanyou, and sleeping cat youkai.

Unknown to her the place she left was still hunted by the scents of a little human girl, two- headed dragon, toad youkai and one demon Lord. Still keeping the memories of silver- covers diary, a bittersweet secret and blue flowers.

To be continued…

WOW, that was my first chapter, of my first fanfic( gives away cookies ). Please tell me if you like it, or not, should I continue?

Please R and R, even if it is flames .

Love U,

KillingMeTenderly…

P.S: My neck hurts, and when I move it makes strange noises, oh well…..


	2. And I dream for her love

Shiinto no Saishuuheiki

Silent Weapon

By KillingMeTenderly

And I dream for her love

Standing tall in the darkness was a white clad figure. Like a gleaming shadow he was hunting, searching, in the stillness of the night. There, somewhere was she- his angel. Again, and again he has reached his hand to her, one more time he has fallen on his knees to beg for her love. One more time she has been oblivious. He again needed to see her, this hunger not giving him a moment of peace. Yet again he was going after her, to risk his life, for the priority to see her eyes and get lost in her scent. He had lost an arm, in the anger of seeing her so close to his brother, but he wasn't regretting it. It was then, when he met her- eyes shining, head high, tresses swayed to the wind. In this moment he knew that she would belong to someone else, but he too understood, that he would love her, the way he has never loved before. It was like the world has stopped for an instant and there were only the two of them left. He knew that she was like the rush- no storm was able to break her, there wasn't a force to mare her submit, but just like the plant without sunshine she would die. She was the day, as he was the night. He was tamed, she was pure. He was killer off life, she was a healer. He was demon, she- miko. Like Yin and Yang they were in unstopping war. Like Yin and Yang they couldn't live without one another. It was somewhat sad, that they were never met to be, not that this was stopping him from loving her, his angel…

…angel without wings.

"Oi, wench, it was 'bout time! Who do you think was going to cook me a diner?" – With those kind words Kagome was welcomed in their makeshift camp.

"OK, Inuyasha- said Kagome- right a way."

Miroku's eyes nearly fell from his head "Did Kagome just agree with Inuyasha?"- He quietly asked Sango.

"Oh, thank God, I thought I was hearing things!"- Said the young woman-"Maybe, that last fight whit the mutt, finally destroyed her fragile mental condition."

"Hey, bitch, don't think, that I can't hear you"- Inuyasha shouted to the concerned girl- "Kagome just know, that she have to submit to me. Right, Kagome?"

"………"

"Kagome… KAGOME!? Are you listening to me?"- Shouted the outraged hanyou.

"Hmm, Inuyasha, you said something? Oh right the diner! Just a second!"- And with that she ran past giggling Miroku and Sango.

The young miko's mind was actually on the strange book she has found. The writing was now safe form prying eyes under her pillow. There was something about that particular book. Maybe it was the expensive cover, or the fact that somebody has tried to get rid of it. Making the ramen, she hoped that she would be able to read, after diner, without Inuyasha staring into her. Kami, he looked like monster, looking at her with unblinking eyes.

'More like a puppy demanding attention'- she thought and mentally shook her head. The hanyou sometimes just didn't know when to stop. 'More like all the times'- she giggled.

"OK, Inuyasha, you know the rest by heart- wait five minuets, get the chopsticks and eat- I hope it's not too hard for you"- she sighed.

"Hey, do I look stupid or something?"- mumbled the hanyou, making his way to the fire.

'Actually yes'- she thought. Kagome sat on her sleeping bag and put the book on her lap "Now or never"- she mumbled, ignoring Inuyasha's rude remark: "It's not healthy to talk to your self!" She carefully opened the book and almost gasped at the beautiful kanji. 'It's not evenly for someone to write like this'- she sighed. The letters were and narrowed, showing godlike perfection. 'Heck, they are like drawn!'- The miko mentally screamed. 'Oh, well, time to start. Here goes Kagome- the girl from the future!'

"_Someone had told me,"-_ the text started-_ "that if one is to find a way to share one's thoughts, his secrets wont burn so feverishly. Alas, I do not have anyone so close to me to share with them my deepest secrets and desires. I once more turned to the ink and paper to bare my soul, the soul, that no one believes I posses. For I'm thought to be a cold and uncaring person, known for his pride and killing demeanour. Oh, but I do have soul, and I do have heart, it is that they do not belong to me anymore. They belong to her. I, a well-known demon assassin" _'Oh, so he is a demon!' _"Have given my everything to a human. I, that claimed to hate their kind, have fallen for one of them. Once I said, that humans are the dirt under my feet, but if that is so, why am I on my knees before her begging for her love?"_

'So romantic, why don't things like this happen to me?'

"_She is the most beautiful female alive"_

'Aha, that's why!'

"_Some said for their beloveds- her eyes are like the sea, but why do I think, that the ocean have the color of my angel's eyes. That the midnight sky only resembles her ebony hair and that the ivory is made to remind me of her fair skin._

_I have everything- wands, servants, armies and I still have nothing. I do not have her heart…I can always have her body, but I wish for more- for her soul and mind. It is not that I do not desire her physically- I tremble with the want to the thought of having her under me. Still I do not want an empty shell- her spitfire nature is making her even more charming. She is, dare I say, more entitling when she is angry."_

'She must be really pretty…'

"_So, one, may ask, why have not I still asked her to be my mate. It is not that I fear mating her- it is true that we Inus can have physical contact with only one person for live, and only after her death we can mate a new one."_

'Hmmm, I didn't know that, so simply, their first mate is their first time even for the males, that's kind of romantic, well at least I know that Inuyasha isn't sleeping around… OH MY GOD- that means Sesshomaru is a virgin!'

"_It is that she do not belong to me, that she will not belong to me. She loves Him. And he hates me; I am sure that by now the dislike for me is rooted deep inside her heart. My soul is trying to convince me that I still have a chance for her…_

…_But I know better, she will never look at me, like she looks at him, she will never love me."_

'That girl must de dense! To have such a man on her heals and to like another, if I was her, I would have, already jumped him bones! He is so romantic, not like Kouga's "You are my woman" stuff.'

"_Somebody, tell me, what to do? I can give her the world and so much more, but can she gives me her love? Is there a way to make her look at me and not see a monster, an assassin? I wish to walk into her dreams, like she does in mine and hold her tide watching the world change around us, forever dreaming, forever in love. I wish to pick the pieces of her broken heart and hold them close. To become one with her, and let our hearts beat together. To make her mine…and so much more."_

'Wow, where did she find him? I want one too!'

"_I will not force my self on her, because I simply can not. It will hurt me even more, than it will hurt her. So I will let her be, and beg the Kamis for dreams to come. Dreams, where she would be mine, not my brother's."_

'So she loves his brother, that's really sad…'

"_If I was to hold her, would never let her do. If she was to give me her heart, I would never break it, but to cherish it. If he was not to care for her too, there would maybe be a chance for her and me…_

…_but there is not._

_She and I- never we. She a miko,"_

'So she is a miko, ne? That is even making the things worst. All mikos hate demons, with few exceptions- Kikyou and me. Well she don't hate hanyous that is, or maybe only one hanyou.'

"_and I- a demon Lord…"_

'What the… there are only four demon Lords- one of them Sesshomaru…Could it be? But his 'brother's miko'… and that means… I? NO!!! No way it must be some other's lord hated brother… yes the chance is big one from four, three are left and three is a good number isn't it? Yes, three is a happy number, brings luck!'

"…_The Lord of the West…"_

'No it can't be!!!'

"…_My name is Sesshomaru…"_

'No, no, no he must have another brother that travels with miko, he have to…'

"…_And I an in love with the miko Kagome…"_

The young girlfelt strange and suddenly her vision began to blur. She let out a small moan and touched her spinning head. The last thing she heard was Sango's voice asking her if she was OK, and than all went black.

"…_My Kagome."_

To be continued…

Hey, that's KillingMeTenderly, with the second chappy (The cookies were all eaten.)So what do you think? I want to thank everybody that reviewed- dudes you made my day .

DemonicTamai- I think you're right , maybe my sick consciousness has something to do with that, I haven't seen it before, but it really got something from "The diary"- I like that one.

P.S: I too like it when Sesshy is in love with Kagome.

Momo- Thanks, dude, u rock.

AkaiKurai- Wow, thanks I'll continue, Love U

Midnight Kagome- Hey, 10x!!! ( I love it when Kags sit Inuyasha )

Sesshoumaru's friend- WOW, that's my favorite part too (it sounds, like I haven't wrote it 0.o) Shiinto no Saishuuheiki means Silent Weapon (actually Deathly Silent Ultimate Weapon) U made one punk happy today

Slmcandle- Thank you very, very, very much

So R and R, soon the third chapter will come ,

Love, KillingMeTenderly

P.S: DAMN, my neck still hurts (


	3. Reaching for the sun

Shiinto no Saishuuheiki

Silent Weapon

By KillingMeTenderly

Reaching for the sun

He deals the sword as a meditation,

And those he kills never suspect,

He doesn't fight for the titles he wins,

He doesn't fight for the respect.

He deals the sword to find the answer,

The sacred theory of chance,

The hidden law of probable outcome,

The blows lead a dance.

I know that the fears are the swords of soldiers,

I know that the hearts are weapons of war,

I know that blood means money for this art.

But is that the shape of my heart?

He may play the best of killers,

He may lay the queen of fates,

He may conceal a king in his hand,

While the memory of it fades.

I know that the fears are the swords of soldiers,

I know that the hearts are weapons of war,

I know that blood means money for this art.

But is that the shape of my heart?

What if that's not the shape, the shape of my heart?

And if I told you that I loved you,

You'd maybe think there's something wrong,

I'm not a man of too many faces,

The mask I wear is one.

I know that the fears is the sword of soldiers,

I know that the hearts are weapons of war,

I know that blood mean money for this art.

But is that the shape of my heart?

That's not the shape of my heart…

…My heart beats. Again, again, again and again- never-ending pulse. My hearts beats, so I am alive. Am I alive? Can a broken heart beat? They say that we live to serve the Gods, that our destiny is written and that the fate controls our lives. This Sesshomaru do not believe in destiny. If there is such a thing, why is life so cruel? I do not believe in fate, because I do not want to believe that it is already decided that she will not love me. Does she love me?...

…She loves me not…

Her head hurt like hell. Not only that, but she was some- what hot and she couldn't remember what had happened. Oh and her head hurt!!!

"Ouch!" – That was the best that the young miko was able to say in the moment.

"Kagome, oh God I was so scared! What happened? Why did you lose consciousness? Is Inuyasha responsible somehow? I can always kill him you know…"- Sango started.

Kagome opened her eyes and saw her concerned friend. Fear was easily read in the demon- exterminator's face. Her hair was a bit messed, like, she had been up all night. Her eyes were red and the girl felt that the arm that was keeping her cold compress on her forehead was a trembling. She was lying in her sleeping- bag and more blankets, than she remembered bringing ever were on top of her. 'And I was wondering, why it was so hot. It's the middle of the summer, and I have at least twenty damn blankets on me!'

"Yes, Sango, I'm fine. The question is, how are you. You look like attacked from some kind of crazy mutated monkeys."- Said the miko, while sitting- "I think, my blood pressure fell, it happens sometimes. Nothing to worry about!"

At this point her mind decided to put two cents in and the memories from the previous night started popping in her head- "Wait a moment… I remember… so he is him… and she is her, I mean me, so that means that he and she, and I, but… I think, I think… I'm going to faint again…"

"Mmmm, Kagome- san, are you really sure that you are OK? You are mumbling strange things. Maybe we should stay here one more night here for you and Sango."- said Miroku.

"Hey, what do you mean "and Sango" I'm perfectly fine, thank you! Mind your own condition, it's not healthy to be so perverted!"-Shouted the hot- headed girl- "I hate you, stay away from me!!!"

Kagome watched in awe as her best friend shouted to the man she liked. Suddenly out of the blue Sango mumbled sadly: "Miroku, do you hate me? Miroku, I love you! Marry me today! Please, pretty please!"

The monk's eyes almost fell from his head. Shippo chocked his chocolate, Inuyasha managed to fall face first from the tree, he was sitting on and Kagome nearly lost consciousness again.

"S- S- Sango"- started Inuyasha- "What did you eat today?"- The hanyou was so stressed, that he forgot to refer her as "Bitch" or "Wench".

"Go away, Mutt! You want some of me? AH? Come and get it Inu- koro!!!"- shouted the exterminator, walking toward the scared half- breed.

"Ummm, sorry gays, I have to… have to… take a bath!!! Gotta go, gotta go now, see you later, Bye!!!"- and with those words the brave hanyou left the camp.

"Sango, can I have a word with you?"- Miroku asked carefully.

"NO, YOU CAN'T, YOU IDIOT, CAN'T YOU JUST STO…"- here Shippo decided to show that he now knew where the pressure point was.

"Thank, you Shippo, that was pretty close."- said Miroku-"Now she will be asleep at least for a few hours. Ja Ne, Kagome – san, I will go to tell Inuyasha, that he don't have to hide anymore. Shippo, come, lets leave the women alone."

With those words Kagome was left alone with unconscious Sango, a silver- covered book and her thoughts. 'So Sesshomaru… is in love with me,'- she started- 'can it be? It didn't sound like a joke, but if not, why me? He claimed to hate me! Me and everything about me, but…

"… _Once I said, that humans are the dirt under my feet, but if that is so, why am I on my knees before her begging for her love…_ _She is the most beautiful female alive… I tremble with the want to the thought of having her under me… My soul is trying to convince me that I still have a chance for her…But I know better, she will never look at me, like she looks at him, she will never love me…I can give her the world and so much more, but can she gives me her love… So I will let her be, and beg the Kamis for dreams to come. Dreams, where she would be mine, not my brother's… I am demon Lord, The Lord of the West. My name is Sesshomaru and I am in love with the miko Kagome, my Kagome..."_

…Does he truly think these things about me? That I'm beautiful? That I deserve the world? That is… strange, and it makes me feel warm inside. I never knew that he can be like this? Do I want to read any longer? … I will read I need to know if it is true…"

Kagome sat and opened the book in her lap, just like the night before, inhaled few times and started reading again.

"My, Kagome- how beautiful it sounds… will she ever let me call her that. I do not believe that the answer will be to my liking. Only if this Seshomaru had the chance to tell her his feelings…What would I tell her if I was to fade away? To tell her something, that will make her remember me in her heart? Will I ask her the questions that are burning me on the inside?"

'Let see whwt he wish to tell me'

"Maybe my love scares you or maybe you just do not understand. Do you not see that you are slowly and tenderly killing me? Was it you that I have touched or maybe I actually have not? Or maybe it was all a dream, a whiff of your scent? Kiss me with velvet lips- warmer, sweeter than honey, give me tender poison, but not embraces from ice. I want to run away with you, will you run away with me? Every time you are hiding- will you stay now? Who broke your wings and pushed you from the skies? Please, let me love you tonight…

'Oh…'

"Would you believe me, if I was to tell you, that I love you? That I live to think of you? That I heave become addicted to your scent and like a drug fiend I come again and again? That I simply cannot live without you?

Would you step away if you knew that I have watched you from the shadows many times? Keeping you safe… If you knew, that I fell in love with you from he first time I have seen you?

Would you think that I am mad..."

'No, I don't'

"… Because I am mad, my love, I can not put it any other way…

'Ah? He refers him self as crazy?'

"Do you want me to tell you a good night story? I will tell you how I understand, what your name means. I was sitting, thinking of you. There were many times I had wondered what is the meaning of "Kagome". Woven-bamboo pattern, do not suet you. Then it was when I heart Rin singing:

"Kagome, Kagome,

When will the bird inside the cage come out.

On the evening, on the dawn,

The crane and the turtle have slipped.

Who is the one behind you?"

I asked her for the song and she eagerly told me that this was a game that she learned to play, with the village children, before her parents have died. Kagome- a child's game- how suitable. It is ideal, with her pure heart and untamed soul. It was then that she made Jaken to spin all day, and guess if she, I or Ah Un was behind him."

'He have thought of my name, that's sweet…'

"Is there a way my love, to make you hear my words? To believe that you will ever feel something for me is, like reaching for the sun- one can look at you from afar, but never hold you in his hands. But I will stare at you until my eyes hurt, reach to you until me wings melt.

My Kagome, there are blue flower were I live. They are all with six petals. Every time I pick a petal I hope, that all the laws of theory will change and with the sixth I will be able to say- "She loves me", but alas every last petal makes me remember, that you love me not…

Can my voice reach you, Beloved? Can you hear my words?

"She loves me,

She loves me not,

She loves me,

She loves me not,

She loves me,

She loves me not…"

…You may never love me, Dearest, but remember, that I love you...

…Goodnight, my love"

Kagome closed the diary and lay down on her sleeping- bag, hugging the book close. "Goodnight, Sesshomaru…my friend…" she whispered.

Unknown to her the West wind picked her words and bring them to a meadow full of blue flowers. There a white- clad figure rose his head and unsurely answered-

"Kagome?"

To Be Continued…

Hey, KillingMeTenderly' s here. Today I experienced my first wirers block- ya know what? It sucks!!!

I'm not sure how it came, so pls tell me what do you think. Oh and BTW, can somebody guess what had happened with Sango? Let me know, what do you think. I want to thank very much to all of my readers and especially to the people that reviewed ( orcid, Koishii, Shigure- chan, Wood, Felicia, Cochrann, Sesshoumaru's Friend, Sesshy's angel and slmcandle.) Oh yes, slmcandle, I would really love if you become my beta reader, so if you want emile me and I'll send you the next chappy, K?

So R and R, I think I'll update tomorrow, or the day after,

Love you, KillingMeTenderly

P.S: I haven't written the song in the start. I's Sting's, I just changeged most of the text, so that it can make U think of Sesshy. Don't you think that it now reminds of him?


	4. A smile just for me

Shiinto no Saishuuheiki

Silent Weapon

By KillingMeTendrly

A smile just for me

With blood shot eyes I watch you sleeping,

The warmth I feel beside me is slowly fading,

Would she hear me, if I called her name,

Would she hold me, if she knew my shame?

Your tears don't fall, they crash around me,

Her conscious calls the guilty to come home,

Your tears don't fall, they crash around me,

Her conscious calls the guilty to come home.

The moments died, I hear no screaming,

The visions left inside me are slowly fading,

Would she hear me, if I called her name,

Would she hold me, if she knew my shame?

And I lost it all, nothing lasts forever… I am sorry, I can not be perfect, sorry, for the way I am. My love, I can not be somebody else. Now it is just too late and I can not go back, forgive me I am broken. It just slips right thru my hands. Can I stop the feelings I never even showed, I loved you too much, to let you go, but were you even mine in first place. I am sorry, I am sorry, My love, I am sorry, so sorry, I can not be perfect. Would you love me if I was to change? Would you love me if I was somebody else? Would you love me if I was more like Him? I am sorry…

… I can not be perfect.

Strange sounds woke up Kagome the next day. It looked like someone was… choking. 'What the…?'- was the thing that the miko's foggy consciousness was able to make.

"No, Miroku, I already told you, I don't want any fish. I want mushrooms!!!"- was ranting Sango, while making gagging sounds, watching the roasted fish.

"But, Sango, please just think a bit. It's the middle of the summer. There aren't ANY mushrooms, at this time of the year!"- pleaded the monk.

No, no and no!!! I want mushrooms, and I won't move 'till I don't have some! That's it, final, finite, the end I made my point, I. WANT. MUSHROOMS!!!"- was the exterminator shouting.

"OK, Sango, just cool, all right? I'll find you mushrooms…"- the priest said to a joyful Sango- "I hope…"- he finished more quietly.

This was where Kagome decided to come into the conversation- "Ummm, Sango, why don't you want any fish? It seems good to me?"

"Feh, the Bitch requested food first thing in the morning, but when she saw the fish she throw up in the bushes."- The same, old and in- tactic Inuyasha replayed.

Sango blushed deep red, with such an intensity that Kagome was afraid, that her friend's head will explode. Awkward silence was presented. Suddenly the exterminator said:

"So, Miroku, What about those mushroom? They won't pick themselves you know. Ta- ta- ta hurry, I'm hungry!"

"…….."- Everyone replay. Awkward silence again. 'Wow, that's getting a habit!'-thought the young miko. Her friend's mood swings were getting on her nerves.

"Ummm, I'm going for the mushrooms. Cross your fingers and hope I find some…"- trailed the monk and with unsure steps made his way to the forest.

Left to her thoughts Kagome started pondering, what the hell was wrong with her best friend. 'What can it be? Is she cursed? Let see what's up with her… mood swings, taste for funny food, morning vomiting… hmmm, it sounds kind of familiar. Where have I heard this symptoms… Aha, mother has said them to me in THE talk…'- on this rate Kagome shivered visibly. Good, that no one saw her. Shippo was playing with Kirara, Inuyasha was fuming on his usual tree and grunting something, about 'hormonal wenches' and Sango… well Sango has happily explaining to the air how was she going to cook the mushrooms '… so what has mother said? Oh yes!!! Every woman goes threw this when she is pregnant, so that means Sango is pregnant!

WHAT THE HELL!?! Holy cow, Sango can't be pregnant!!! So that means she... and Miroku? No it can't be… maybe I should wait a bit and then ask her if she has done something… Yes that is what I'll do!!! I must be sure, before I jump to such a conclusions… and still there's the hope that she can be cursed. What a hope…'

Now after this much thinking the miko decided to do something interesting and that was…

… reading the diary of Sesshomaru. OK, she knew it was wrong, but she really enjoyed his style. It was poetic, his words were unexplainable, but strange- they explained everything.

With determination she opened the book and started reading once again, fowling in the words of the one, that claimed to love her.

"One more time I found my self thinking of the woman, that I care for the most. This time however I was thinking about her future. Will she mate Inuyasha? I hope so… Mating him, it will give her the lifespan of a hanyou. That way for many years I will be able to watch her from the shadows. Never sleeping, never moving, just watching, admiring. I wish to watch her children grow up, deeply in my heart imagining, that they are my pups. Watching her smile at him, dreaming it was me. Seeing as she dies, walking to her grave, when everybody else are gone and then telling her my deepest secret, hoping that in the world beyond she will be able to hate me not. Praying for her soul and her happiness. Thanking her for the beautiful life she gave me. Life unknowingly to the one I love. Thanking her for all her smiles. Asking for the forgiveness for all the tears she lost. Telling her again and again, that always and forever she will be the one that will make her heart beet a little faster. Telling her that I still love her after all that time and than laying next to her for my last sleep, this time near her, the way I forever dreamed. Asking the Kamis to take my life, so that I can stay with her forever, even in the afterlife. Her silent protector. Her Shiinto no Saishuuheiki. Her lover… that she never loved.

She is with me anywhere. Whenever I go I can smell her scent, I can hear her voice. In my sleep it is the worst. Even now I can remember my dreams for her. Sometimes she comes to me. Sometimes she climes my lips with her own. Sometimes I start kissing down her neck, to where it joins, with her showder. Sometimes I touch her skin. Sometimes I taste her. Sometimes she moans. Sometimes I burry my self to the sheet in her hot wetness. Sometimes she cries from pain and pleasure. Sometimes I am gentle. Sometimes I am like beast. But every time she loves me. Every time she tells me that. Every time I wake up, with my body and soul on fire. Every time it is just a dream. Every time she loves me… not.

There are other dreams. I am standing outside my castle. Suddenly a silver- haired hanyou boy runs to me. I watch in amazement, for the reason, that he wears the crest of my home on his forehead. Then Kagome comes. She takes his hand in hers and tells me:

"Won't you greet your son and mate, Sesshomaru?"

My heart stops for a moment. I watch in disbelieve as the boy bows politely and then jumps in my hands hugging me. My love sends him to his teachers and asks me if I want to watch the sunset with her. Without waiting my response she grabs my hand and leads me to the please were the blue flower bloom. It always ends like this. Her and me. Us- hand to hand, waiting for the setting sun.

Is it this much that I want. Happiness? True love? I have never wished for anything in my life. I have fought alone. Me against the world.

I had a father that never loved me. He watched at me as a heir. A peace of meet. A father, which left his feying mate to go fuck his human bitch.

I had a mother, that was not let to go near me, in fear of spoiling me. Mother that died heartbroken and alone, cursing the man she loved.

I have a brother, that hates me, for everything I am. Brother, that never knew that I truly did not detest him, but the thing he is a symbol of- my unhappiness.

I have a heir- Rin. A daughter that will understand soon or later, that I am demon, just like the one that killed her family, that I too am a monster.

And finally I have My love. My love that do not know of my feelings. My love that will never return my emotions. A love that loves me not.

Have I not suffered enough to ask for just one thing. Oh, Great Kamis, I fall to my knees before you. I wish for her to smile, one real smile full or any emotion, but not hatred. One smile… just for me."

Kagome didn't want to read anymore, she couldn't read anymore. She hurriedly left the camp, and ran into the woods. There she fall to her knees and cried for hours. She cried for the sake of the most proud man she ever met and his tortured soul.

To Be Continued…

HEY, KillingMeTendery's here

How is it? You like the new chappy? Sorry, that I didn't update yesterday, but I had to fight my way to the computer. I lost the fight as it seems. So few things

1.Do not own the song. Bullet for my valentine do.

2.Sorry, but I already have a beta reader- Deb( slmcandle) and I think even with My Woo-Whoo number of mistakes one person can handle them.

3.Deb, I wasn't able to find you so I updated. I'll wait for you version to change it with this one

4.Thanks to everybody, that reviewed, every time I feel of, I just look at them and happy me is back

So Bye- Bye. R and R( it makes me happy!!!)

, Love KillingMeTenderly

P.S: Wanna ask you if you want to put a short chapter, all Sesshomaru's POV? If you do a simple "Yeach, I would like that." will do the job!

P.S.S: No flames my beta wasn't on. She and I will soon look up any mistakes.


	5. Madness

Madness 

Take heed, dear heart,  
Once apart, she can touch nor me, nor you.  
Dressed as one,  
A wolf will  
betray a lamb. 

Lead astray the gazers,  
The razors on your seducing skin,   
In the meadow of sinful thoughts,  
Every blue flower is  
perfect.

To paradise, with pleasure haunted by fear… 

A sin for him,  
Desire within,  
A burning veil,  
For the bride too dear for  
him.  
A sin for him,  
Desire within,   
Fall in love with your deep, dark sin.

I am The Fallen.   
You are what my sins enclose.  
Lust is  
not as creative,  
As it is discovery.

To paradise, with pleasure haunted by fear…   
A sin for him...

Will I fight the demons, the demons in me? Will I save her from the sinner, the sinner under my skin? My nature is calling to me to take her, can I protect her from my self? I the Devil, sleep with angel, even only in my dreams. Making love to my one- burning angel wings to dust. This is me. A monster. Siinto no Saisuuheiki. A demon. Killing  
perfection. Destroyer of the circle of the life. Sesshomaru. This is her. An angel. Asagi Hana. A miko. Bird trapped in cage. Kagome.  
My broken heart, lost in the dark, can you stop loving her, for she hates us... No... For she loves us not... No… For she have feelings for my brother...

…No I still want her. Still love her. My Fallen, where are you now?  
I just wanted you to know that I will always care for you… 

"Kagome!"

Name… her name. 

"Kagome!!!"

The young miko lifted her foggy head and moaned. Suddenly a memories came into her head. Her reading Sesshomaru's diary, running and then crying. Her feet was hurting, because of the sprinting. Her voice, because of the screaming. Her eyes, because of the tears. Her heart… because of the pain of a…

…of a friend.

Friend? Was that it. He loved her. She loved Inuyasha… ? Did she? Did she love the one that hurt her so many times? Did she choose the one that saw her as his ex- love, to the one that saw her only as Kagome.

"Kagomeeeeeeee!" 

She… she didn't love Inuyasha anymore. The heartache was gone. No more pain when she thought of him and Kikyou together…Only hope, that he would be happy in life. He deserved it.  
Her friend. Her best friend- Inuyasha. Stubborn, rude and possessive. Yep, now looking at the past she could smile at their childish behavior. It felt beautiful, like, every care in the world has been lifted from her shoulders. 

"KAGOME!!!"

"Coming!!!"- the miko shouted and hurried toward her pals. She was going to ask Sango a specific question. One that was going to bring much blushing and maybe a very happy monk, if the answer was  
"yes". 

"Sooooooooo, Sango,"-  
started Kagome smugly-"have you and Miroku, have done, you know- something… interesting?" 

The exterminator blushed, and the miko was sure that it wasn't from the hot water of the spring they were occupating.

"Kagome-chan! What was that? Do you believe that me and the perverted monk have done anything together? He is a hentai, that wish just for two things: To touch my ass and ask women if they want to bare his heir. It's not the smartest thing, that you have…"

Yep! Mood- swings again. Every symptom was there. It was time for Kagome Higurashi to make her entrance.

"I- think- you- are- with- Miroku's- kid." OK, that grabbed Sango's attention- "What do you mean?"

"Well, Sango, you do everything that a pregnant woman should do. So answer me, really, have you and Miroku, you know… made love?" 

Awkward silence… and then…. Sango slowly nodded. Although Kagome has expected to hear "yes", it didn't stop her from gawking, like a idiot. Then Sango broke the silence. 

"Well, if you want to know it was about a month before. We were separated, and well, things happen. I am eighteen now, Kagome, in a world were women marry at fourteen. I couldn't stop my self and he too is a man with his needs. He… he was very gentle and he told me that once Naraku is dead we will marry and have children."

"So, are you going to tell him?"- asked Kagome blushing even harder than her friend.

"No!"- seeing her soul- sister's confused look, she hurriedly continued- "Not before I'm sure!" 

"Oh yeach, I understand."- smiled Kagome.

"So"- grinned the exterminator, watching as the woman from the future climb out of the spring- "How are the things between  
you and Inuyasha?" 

"Uh?" –Kagome started- "I'm over him… and maybe you can say, that I have a new one on my mind…"

"What? Who?"- shouted Sango to the retrieving form of Kagome.

"Not now, but maybe soon I'll tell you. I just need to check something…"- with the last more to herself Kagome left  
her best friends to wonder who had captured the young miko's eye. 

Determined to keep reading, Kagome opened the diary, only to gasp. There wasn't more, than a half page left. She looked around the camp to make sure she was alone. Only Shippo was in the camp, asleep from boredom, munching something in his dream, maybe a bar of chocolate. The young miko sat and found the page she was reading- the last  
page. 

" Everything goes away and in the end it doesn't even mater. I keep walking forward, because I can not go back and I can not find a way to change what has been. I will embrace the wound, that will never heal, I will live with the pain of the unrequited love. Watching as decades go by one, after another.

Being born to die. Living for the ultimate hope. Killer or savior, demon or human, dead or alive. It only concerns the Gods. I was there. This was me. I was existing. But I was not living. I was then simply an immortal, that is utterly dead. Now is different. Now is Now. I live for the moment. I try to catch every piece of life. Of her life.

I live for her. I will fight for her. I will be there for her. I will die for her. Most of all I will live for her. Catching every bit of life. Smiling at her happiness. Hurting from her wounds. Feeling her pups as mine. Feeling her life stir threw my veins.

I wish  
there was a way to tell her this. My love. My grief. My pain and hopes…

I wish to hold her close, never letting go, never sleeping…

I wish that she will not reject me if I was to tell her this…

I wish I was the one that protects her…

I wish…

I wish… 

I  
wish…

I wish for her love…

She loves me…"

That was the was word on the page. Kagome turned it only to see as a blue petal fall from it… and the words:

"She loves me not…"

The miko turned page after page only to be hunt from this mantra and one petal between each page, with the colour of the sky.

"She loves me,

She loves me not,

She loves me,

She loves me not…"

Like this to the end where on the last page was a drawing. Kagome recognized her self, dressed in beautiful kimono, her hair swirled from invisible wind. There was also a herbarium flower. Blue with six petals. Under the picture was the end of the silver- covered book.

"She loves me not…

… alas, she will never see me as something else save a monster…

…Siinto no Saisuuheiki."

" Madness…"- whispered Kagome not surely knowing who was insane- he or she.

There a miles away a demon Lord was walking, with his back to the setting sun, his thoughts only on finding one person. Her…

To Be Continued…


	6. Mantra on his lips

Shiinto no Saisuuheiki

Silent Weapon

By KillingMeTenderly

Mantra on his lips

This time, This place,  
Misused, Mistakes,  
Too long, Too late.  
Who was I to make you wait?  
Just one chance,  
Just one breath,  
Just in case there's just one left.  
'Cause you know,  
you know, you know…

That I love you,  
I have loved you all along.  
And I miss you,  
Been far away for far too long.  
I keep dreaming you'll be with me  
and you'll never go.  
Stop breathing if  
I don't see you anymore.

On my knees, I'll ask:  
Last chance, for one last dance.  
'Cause with you, I'd withstand  
All of hell to hold your hand.  
I'd give it all,  
I'd give for us,  
Give anything but I won't give up.  
'Cause you know,  
you know, you know…

So far away,  
Been far away for far too long,  
So far away,  
Been far away for far too long.  
But you know, you know, you know…

I wanted-  
I wanted you to stay,  
'Cause I needed-  
I need to hear you say,  
That I love you,  
I have loved you all along.  
And I forgive you,  
For being away for far too long.  
So keep breathing,  
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore.  
Believe it  
Hold on to me and, never let me go  
Keep breathing  
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore  
Believe it.  
Hold on to me and never let me go.  
Keep breathing,  
Hold on to me and never let me go.  
Keep breathing,  
Hold on to me and never let me go…

They were standing on a mellow full of blue flowers. He touched her arm, with his own. Their eyes met and she smiled. He unsurely put a sky- colored blossom in her palm and turned away, if trying not to look at her rejection. She stood silent there for a moment. He closed his eyes from the pain in his heart. Suddenly he felt a pair of arm enclosing his frame and a body pressed to his. He turned and looked in her eyes searching for something. Then slowly, as if trying not to scare her he closed the space between their faces. She felt his soft breath on her lips and…

…opening it's eyes the figure sat.

"A dream, just a dream"- a voice said.

"Still so strange…"- and with those words the girl went asleep again.

White shadow was running- invisible to the human eye, because of the high speed. Moon- colored blur to anyone who didn't know the demon Lord of the West. Something to fear for everyone else. All the lower demons and animals, were running away from the strong aura, promising immediate death. The most feared youkai in Japan was searching for late breakfast. and no one was daring to stand in his way. Unbeknown to them Sesshomaru was not interested in hunting today. Not in hunting for food that is. He was searching for one special prey. Today he was hunting her…

Hew has decided. He would join his half brother and help him and his companions to defeat Naraku. He too that way was going to be able to be near his, Kagome. Sesshomaru did no care for the pain of seeing her so in love with Inuyasha. Seeing her hatred toward him…

Yes it was going to hurt. Not physical that is, nor mental… there in his chest- on the place where his heart was suppose to be he was feeling slight pang. It was dull- not the burning pain he felt, when he saw his brother embracing her, but still it residenced- never ending- the longing to hold her tight was still there. The need to love her had not disappeared.

His silver hair swayed on the wind the red and white in his clothes colliding. His senses showed him, that it was no- more than couple of minuets, before he is able to see his angel.

He has waited long enough to encounter, his Kagome. The demon Lord longed to see the sparks in her blue eyes, to watch the way her hair fell down her back and gaze the enticing way her hips swayed as she walked.

Suddenly his thoughts were stopped by a fearful scream. One too familiar voice was shouting the one word he never belived, that he will hear from the person's lips.

"SESSHOMARU!!!"

The shard- hunting group was on the road again. Oh, joy. What better in the morning, than grumbling Inuyasha, wining Shippo, mood- swinging Sango and smiling Miroku (from past experiences Kagome knew that there was nothing worst, than smiling Miroku, just thinking, what was going in his head was giving her shudders).

"Come on, stupid humans! How can you be so fucking slow? Even my ass is faster than you!!!"- shouted the hanyou.

"Don't know, 'bout his ass, but his brain is not the fastest around here…"- mumbled Kagome to Miroku and Sango.

"What? I didn't heard you!"- shouted yet again their leader.

'Thank, God!'- thought the miko- "Nothing, Inuyasha, just talking, about… about … pink cotton candy!"

One raised brow showed Kagome, what Inuyasha was thinking about her mental capabilities.

Suddenly strange feeling went throw the young woman. "A shard!!!"- She grasped. Just a second after her words enormous youkai. Three horn, smoke coming from its nose and the silver scales were giving one the expression, that a fish has crawled somewhere and mutated into… something. And talk about stench. Oh, and not to forget the beautiful collection of tentacles- small and big, short and long. With one word the… thing was revolting!!!

"The shadrsssss! Me want the shardsssss!!!" The demon hissed.

"Well"- screamed Inuyasha as ever-"find your own. Oh and give us the one you have, if you still want to keep tour ugly face!"

"Mijo is not ugly! He is the mossst gorgesss from hiss kind! You pay for your wordssssss"- the youkai hissed and leaped forward.

Since its size they were in need to split and attack from all possible angles. No such luck! It was if the thing had eyes on its back.

'I won't be surprised…'- thought Kagome. She turned just in time to see tentacles sliding behind Inuyasha. The hanyou however didn't get a glimpse of them. Before she even had the chance to shout to him to turn around, the youkai hit him on the head, and the boy fell on the ground- unconscious.

"Now, little miko Mijo getssss your shardssssss and if you're a good girl we can play!"- the thin said while getting his tentacles toward Kagome. Her friends shouted and fought the monster, but it was doing no good. Soon Kagome was in a web of limbs.

She felt the breath leave her body and her eyes closed. Desperate to the situation the miko's mind wasn't on her friends or family, the last thought that crossed he head was:

'He promised that he will always be there to save me…'

As her life was leaving her body to her lips got only one word, one name:

"SESSHOMARU!!!"- was the miko's last scream, before she joined the world of the unconsciousness.

Unknown to her the next moment from the tree line torn a red- eyed, white- clad figure. On the lips of the youkai oon the wiled inu's language over and over again was repeated one name as a mantra: "Kagome"…


	7. Because we are friends

Shiinto no Saisuuheiki

Silent Weapon

By KillingMeTenderly

Because we are friends

I wanted you to know,

That I love the way you laugh.

I want to hold you high and

Steal your pain away.

I keep your photograph

And I know it

Serves me well.

I want to hold you high

And steal your pain…

Because I'm broken,

When I am lonesome

And I don't feel right

When you go away…

You've gone away,

You don't feel me ...anymore…

The worst is over now

And we can breathe again,

I want to hold you high,

You steal my pain away.

There's so much left to learn

And no one left to fight.

I want to hold you high

And steal your pain…

You've gone away,

You don't feel me...anymore…

Darkness was all around her. No sounds, no feelings, no sight…

… Just darkness. It was tempting her to stay there forever. Sleeping, dreaming… in a world, where she was alone with herself. It was comfortable. Happiness, sorrow and other feelings were overflowing her. She was embraced from the blackness. Here she was wanted… Wanted? She remembered something… she was…waned… somewhere else too… Silver tresses, golden eyes, moon- pale skin… and name… She couldn't remember it. Here names meant nothing. She too have once had a name… it was somewhat hard to remember how she was called. Memories floated in her consciousness. A red- clad hanyou, beautiful woman, with large boomerang and a man with priest clothes. There was a little kit ad a neko- youkai too. A smiling woman with short hair, a boy and old man, dressed like… miko? Inuyasha? Sango… Miroku… Shippo… Mama… Sotta… Grandpa… they ere all waiting for her. They would all miss her. Somebody else too, somebody that loved her… Sesshomaru…She couldn't let them down…

…She couldn't let him down…

…And then she saw the light…

Kagome's scream echoed in the forest. Sesshomaru's eyes grew wire in realization- she was hurt. Something snapped in him and in a moment his eyes were bleed- red. With speed no one was able to match he ran to small clearing. His heart stopped it's pulse from he scene. Kagome, his Kagome was wrapped in the tentacles of a strange youkai. Her eyes were closed arms limply hanging by her side. Again and again he repeated her name on the primitive language of his ancestors. His excuse for a half- brother was knocked down and the tajia and the monk fighting fiercely their way to the young miko. His lips turned into a snarl and he pushed his limits to talk to the human's tongue.

"Let the woman go or loose all limbs you have, weakling."- His voice keeping the ice shade, but his blood eyes giving away his anger.

"My, my is this Lord the West?"- the demon, made strange grimace that maybe was a smile, Sesshomaru wanted to wince to the way the thing was talking using like it seems only verbs and nouns- "Now Mijo can fight and get Shikon, miko and the West lands!"

Sesshomaru let a loose grow 'Idiot'- he thought- 'you have to know better when to claim what belongs to this Sesshomaru."

With a cold glare the taiyoukai leaped toward the other demon, unsheathing Tokijin. With wide arc he bring the sword toward the youkai's head, just to meet many tentacles. The demon shuddered, but over wise didn't make any move to show, that he was in pain.

'How is this possible?'- Sesshomaru thought- 'Normal demon would have been harmed.'

Suddenly the realization came. The youkai had shards from the Shikon no Tama and that meant that he was stronger than a usual youkai. Alas there was no time of thinking. The other demon was holding Kagome too tide and the taiyoukai knew, that the young miko was on the verge of life. Her breathing, as he was able to hear was labored and her heartbeat unsure.

Without much of a thought he jumped, claws first to the demon. The taiyoukai was determent, that he would save the woman even if that meant, tearing his way to her. He knew that he would always be able to bring her back with Tenesaiga, but he just didn't want her to feel any pain.

Mijo looked at the demon Lord in front of him and understood- his life was going to end in seconds. But the youkai was determined- he was going to take the girl with him if he was to go to the world beyond.

His thoughts were stopped as the taiyoukai made his attack. Mijo now realized. It was like he was already dead and nothing was going to save him.

Sesshomaru made his first blow… his last blow to the unfortunate demon. With a clean hit the taiyoukai sank his claws thru Mijo's throat… and pulled out three shards. The Kami's were disposed to him today.

The Lord of the West jumped high in the air and catch Kagome before she hit he ground, her little frame fitting perfectly with his large one. Fire crept threw his body. This was the first time he touched her. Sesshomaru held her tidily to his chest wanting to remember the feeling. He knew that this was maybe the last time too. His arm holding her waist and thighs firmly, her head on the place, where his neck met his shoulder.

The moment finished too soon. His feet touched the ground and as gently as he could he put her down. She still was pale and her heart was on the verge on the stopping. For first time in his life Sesshomaru- the Great Lord of the West felt strange feeling. It was if someone was squeezing his heart.

He understood. Fear. Panic. Things he never knew were now getting the best of him. He just stood there, with her lying in his feet with him watching her with cold gaze, the red from his eyes long gone. He felt her life running from her veins. He just didn't know what to do.

The monk and tajia slowly crept toward him, unsure if he was to hurt their friend. Sesshomaru was on the bridge of falling to his knees, putting her in his lap and begging her not to die, when he heard a sudden intake if breath.

He looked down just in time to see sapphire- blue eyes snap open. His heart stopped. Oh, how he desires her in this moment- heart, body and soul. He ignored it all and stared at her.

"Sesshomaru?"- His name was sounding sweet on her lips, but he wanted to hear her scream it in passion- "What are you doing here?" –her voice stopped his sinful thoughts.

"Well, that's what I want to ask!!! Why is HE here? And what happened to the fish- guy?"- Inuyasha, which had the perfect timing for ruining the mood as always, screamed conscious again.

Without lifting his gaze from Kagome he answered:

"I, Sesshomaru have come to join your group. The demon is dead, because of me. You should be grateful, half- breed, for this Sesshomaru have saved the miko, which you travel with. It seems that you encounter the demon Naraku often. That way I, Sesshomaru can have my revenge for him."

'Woa'- thought Kagome- 'So cold!'

"WHAT THE FUCK?!? You think that I'm gona let you stay with us, just to be stabbed in my sleep? No way in hell!!!"- the enraged hanyou shouted.

"Inuyasha, please think."- Started Miroku, for Kagome's surprise- "Lord Sesshomaru just saved Lady Kagome! He could always let her die and then join us, but he choose to protect her while you wasn't able. He is strong enough to make us more powerful than Naraku and his minions!"

"No way in hell, I'm going to…"

"…Sit!"- Kagome finished for him- "Sesshomaru-sama, thank you for saving my life. I, as a keeper of the Shikon no Tama will be glad if you join our little group."- And with those words the miko bowed in respect.

To say that everybody, Sesshomaru included were dumbfounded was an underestimation. Inuyasha for first time was speechless.

"But…"- he started.

"Sit!"- she answered.

"Kago…"

"Sit!"

"Bitch…"

"Sit!"

"OK, OK, he stays!!!"

"Si… Oh, really! I was sure that you will understand my way!"- she smiled happily.

"I see"- said the taiyoukai, trying to hide a smirk- "then this, Sesshomaru will start traveling with you from today."

"Feh, bitch, I'm going to hunt, I don't want to smell him anymore. Just don't come to me when he disposes you from your limbs. I'll let him stay just to see how stupid you really are, but if he tries anything funny he is six feet underground."- the hanyou shouted

and sprinted toward the trees.

"So, Sesshomaru- sama…"- unsurely said Sango- "Why did you really save Kagome?"

A cold glare make her shut her mouth- "This, Sesshomaru's reasons do not interest you, human. But that brings forth on other question. Miko, why did you call my name, when you were attacked? "- a sparkle of hope was burning deep in his chest.

"Well"-Kagome was thinking feverishly, she needed a lie and she needed it NOW- "Well… I felt your aura and thought that you may come and help me. I knew you were able to save me, because you are one of the strongest demons alive."

Sesshomaru felt his ego stir. She thought he was strong. "One of the strongest"- she has said. Still he didn't let his mask fall.

"And why, pray tell, would I, Sesshomaru, Lord of the Western Lands, decide to save a human?"- he arched a silver eyebrow.

"But"- she started slyly- "Didn't you just do that?"

He didn't answer, for she was smarter than he had ever thought.

"Besides"- she told him this time more gently- "we are friends!"

"Friends?"- he asked half- amused, half- concerned for her mental capabilities. He haven't even talked to her without insulting her and still, here she was- claiming, that thy shared a friendship.

"Yes, we are!"- She started happily- "We just don't know it yet."

Then the time stopped. Her in mere meters from him, the taija and the monk beside her, the little kit in her feet. The time stopped, because she smiled. She smiled at him…

…A smile just for him.

To Be Continued…

Hey, Hey,

What's up? Sorry for not updating yesterday, I had to writ HUGE homework for Mythology class. So, you like the new chapter?

Finally Sesshy got his smile, ne? Well, I don't have much to say, just that I maybe Will have to slow down a bit, 'cuz I'm thinking of writing a new story called "Waga Akuma" (My Satan or My Demon, as you like it better) and now I'm working on the plot.

So R & R pls. Oh, and I don't own the song.

Love You Guys, KillingMeTenderly

P.S: Hey, Deb, please redact this version, 'cuz it's a bit different, from the one I sensed you, K?


	8. A dream is worth a lifetime

Shiinto no Saisuuheiki

Silent Weapon

By KillingMeTenderly

A dream is worth a lifetime

And I'd give up forever to touch you,

Cuz I know that you feel me somehow.

You're the closest to heaven,

That I'll ever be,

And I don't wanna go home right now.

And all I can taste is this moment,

And all I can breathe is your life,

And sooner or later it's over,

I just don't want to miss you tonight…

I don't want the world to see me,

Cuz I don't think that they'd understand.

When everything's made to be broken,

I just want you to know who I am…

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming,

Or the moment of truth in your lies.

When everything seems like it's moving,

Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive…

I don't want the world to see me,

Cuz I don't think that they'd understand.

When everything's made to be broken,

I just want you to know who I am…

She was in front of him, just in arm reach. So close, so far. She had smiled for him. Not a fake smile, not a smile full of malice, but a real, happy smile. "Because we are friends…" Friends? When she has said it, part of his heart warmed and filled with warmth, but the other part of it cried in pain. Friends? Only this, nothing else… she still loved him, didn't she? Friends? Maybe that way he would be able to be near her. Maybe he would have his chance to hold her, while she is crying, for his brother's deeds someday. He would embrace her and whisper in her hair, that she is beautiful and, that he cares for her. Maybe that way she would never understand how genuine his words really are. Or maybe he wouldn't…

…He would never hold her…

…Never kiss her…

…Never make love to her…

… Never tell her how he feels…

…Never as long as forever…

…Eternity…

…This love of his…

…Was votive…

…But the most ironical thing was that…

…He did not care…

Awkward silence was hanging over the camp. Inuyasha still hadn't come back from his hunting and everybody, except Kagome and Sesshoumaru, that is, were too terrified to say anything. No perverted comments. No screams "Hentai!!!" No candy crises. Not even mewing, damn it!!!

This all was doing strange things to Kagome's nerves. Oh, how she wanted too shout, or jump, or do something! Alas, the last thin she needed was everybody looking at her strange for the rest of the day. She glanced at her companions.

Shippo was Oh- So- Bravely hiding beside Kirara. Miroku was fingering the beans on his left pal, as if ready to take them of any second. Sango was polishing her Hiraikoisu, with a mean gleam in her eyes. Kagome was eyeing everyone, not quite sure, that it was a good idea to ask the demon Lord to stay with them. Sesshoumaru, on the other hand was sitting cross- legged, with his back toward a tree, eyes closed and expression I- Do- Not- Care- What- You- Do- Just- Leave- Me- Alone.

OK, this was getting annoying. Kagome decided to talk to somebody, anybody! Walk! That was what she needed! She was going to ask them to come with her in the forest.

"Ummm, Sango?"- Once she knew she had the attention of the older girl she continued- "Do you want to come to a walk in the forest with me?"

The tajia looked at her strangely and nodded "no".

"Thanks, Kagome, but I think, that it's better to stay here and prepare Hiraikoisu for UNEXPECTED attack." – OK, now the miko knew that Sango wasn't very fond of Sesshoumaru.

"Miroku?"-she asked.

"Thank you Lady Kagome, but I'll decline. I will stay in the camp, to help Sango if there is any danger."- he smiled.

"I'm sorry, Mommy, but I'll stay and play with Kirara!"- Shippo happily said, before she even got the chance to ask him.

'Well, that leaves only Sesshoumaru.'- She thought- 'Why not ask him?'

She prepared for what was to come and after an intake of breath she said:

"What about you Lord Sesshoumaru? Do you wish to take a walk with me in the forest?"

Sesshoumaru was listening to Kagome's conversation. His instincts were screaming not to let her in the forest, when it was near dawn and this was youkais' hunting time. When everybody declined her offer, he nearly lost control. She was not to go in the forest alone! He would look forward to it!

Then the most unexpected thing in the history of the unexpected things happened. He heard her heart increase its pulse and her breath hitch. And then she asked him a question.

"What about you Lord Sesshoumaru? Do you wish to take a walk with me in the forest?"- her vice was like ringing bells. His name was sweet on her lips. Her request burning in his mind.

Sesshoumaru was not able to believe, that Kagome, his Kagome, had just asked him to accompany her to a walk.

He was almost sure, that she didn't really men it. She was just too kind to not ask him too. She may regret her offer, if he said yes, but Hell, this was one of a life time chance! If he said "No" now he would never be able to say "Yes". Ever.

"Ummm, Sesshoumaru? Did you…"- her voice cut his thoughts. He momentary understood, that he had just went to his own little world.

Without hesitating much more he cut her:

"Yes miko, I, Sesshoumaru will accompany you to your… walk."- He said without even changing his ice- tone.-"This Sesshoumaru was merely thinking."

He gracefully stood up and slowly turned toward her. There was strange look, on the young woman's face, so he said:

"Miko, do you now regret your earlier words?"- He asked monotone.

"Um? No, why should I? Come on lets go!"- She said cheerfully.

Suddenly Sango and Miroku started requesting to go with them for different reasons, non of them really meaning something. There was even "You can trip over a mushroom, that I forgot to pick" and "It's bunnies mating season!".

On the last Kagome couldn't help, but ask:

"So what if it's the… "Bunnies mating season?"

There was when Sango blushed and shut up. Miroku was smirking and Sesshoumaru decided to drop:

"Actually, the rabbit kind mate almost every month."

OK now Kagome really didn't want to know fro where he knew THAT!!!

After nearly a half hour of arguing Kagome was able to give few good points, why she was going to be fine. God, alone in a dark forest only with Sesshoumaru, known as the aristocratic assassin, that was on the way deeply in love with her, so he could try another things besides killing her was not that scary, was it? OK, that didn't get out the way Kagome wanted it, but still…

There was slightly uncomfortable silence between them. Kagome, known for her hatred for moments like this, desisted to say something.

"So Lord Sesshoumaru, I want to thank you again. If it wasn't for you I would already be dead."

Without looking at her Sesshoumaru replied:

"No need for thanking me. This Sesshoumaru did what he was supposed to do."

Kagome suddenly stopped and turned toward him.

"Lets sit here, OK?"- She said pointing toward a big tree. There wasn't even a second until the demon Lord understood what the tree as.

"Goushibonku."- He more said than asked.

"Um- hm!"- She smiled at him. It felt as if lightning had hit him. The only thing he was able to do was to follow he like a love- sick puppy and sit next to her. He than finally got the fact, that while she was near him his brain was not functioning properly.

"Sesshoumaru,"- she started-" you are pretty… old for human standards, are you not?"

" Hai, I, Sesshomaru am much older, than any ningen you have ever met. Why, may I ask you are interested in such a thing?"- He was puzzled, but he didn't let it show in his voice or face.

"Well"- she blushed pretty pink color- "I was just curios, what it's like to be immortal."

Sesshomaru looked her with intense glaze and Kagome thought that she saw in his golden eyes… sadness.

"Listen, miko, listen well, this Sesshoumaru has been living for too many years. Immortality, is nothing. To live forever means pain. To watch people you care for fade away is torment. Youkais are like the trees and humans are like flowers. Demons live slow and sad life. Ningen on the other hand live short, but happy love full of love. It like this: You are like a blue flower as I am like the Goshibonku. You are fragile and you are able to make a person like you. I am well known, but nobody cares for me if I, Sesshoumaru do not threaten them. I am here, I have been here for decades and I will stay here for many years. My mother once said to me, when I was young, that life without love is not life worth living.

Years late my father asked me if I have something to protect. I told him, that I do not need such a thing. Now I see how truly foolish I was. I thought, that I can stand alone against the world, but I learned, that everybody needs someone to feel connected to. Everybody need to protect somebody else."

Kagome looked at him. He was so right. He knew more things, than she thought possible. The miko than asked him a question.

"So, Sesshoumaru, what would you do if somebody gave you this chance: To live forever and conquest everything you want, or die tomorrow, but have a day, when the dream you wished the most will become reality, I only for mere hours?"- This she found a curios question.

The lord of the West looked at her strange and than for first time from the start of their conversation he turned away. His gaze was toward the new- shown stars. Just when Kagome thought, that he wouldn't answer he said still not finding her eyes wit his own:

"This Sesshoumaru would have chosen the second."

She looked him puzzled. This was very strange choice. He than looked again toward her and said:

" A dream is worth a lifetime, miko. Now go. It is getting dark."

"What about you/"- she asked.

"This, Sesshomaru will come later."

"OK, but, Sesshoumaru, please call me Kagome. Will you?"

He looked her strangely ad replayed:

"As you wish."

Just as she was about to turn she heart him say:

"Goodnight, Kagome…"

The miko turned to him and answered:

"Goodnight, Sesshoumaru."

With these words she leaded forward. The taiyoukai's breath hitched in his chest and his heart increased its rate. She wouldn't, would she?

He felt her soft lips touch the skin of his cheek, the warmth of her palms burning his chest, there she had put her arms.

She than stood up, her face pretty pink, turned hurriedly and ran toward the camp.

She didn't look back and she didn't saw Sesshoumaru's longing eyes burning the place in the trees where she had disappeared. She didn't saw as he put this fingers on his cheek, there her lips were, as if trying to keep the warmth she planted there for little longer. She didn't see as he cast his eyes up to the stars again. She didn't saw how his only palm clenched his haori, on over his heart. She didn't saw his lips moving. She didn't' heart his words:

"A dream does worth a lifetime…"

To be continued…

Hey guys how is it?

Sorry for not writing for two days, but I was kind of busy. So finally something happened

I want to thank everybody, that commented, I LOVE YOU!!! You make my day happy and give me what I need to write another chappy .

So tomorrow I will most currently update Waga Akuma, so maybe I wont add chapters here…

I do not own the song "Iris" , so K?

Ummmmmmm, I think that's all pls R&R,

Love KillingMeTender


	9. She will die, Sesshoumaru

Shiinto no Saisuuuheiki

Silent Weapon

By KillingMeTenderly

She is going to die, Sesshoumaru

I believe in you,

Not because you are your self,

Not because I'm in love with your blue eyes,

But because I do not want to believe, that another,

Will find a way to take you away…

I think of you, as if you are right next to me,

Like a small pain pulses quickly in me,

Like I want to cry like a child,

But there are no tears in my eyes…

Only you I love, only you,

My dear girl,

Even before I have met you, even before,

Again I loved you, only you…

No, no I don't want to believe that somebody,

Will find a way to take you away…

Only you I love, only you,

My dear girl,

Even before I have met you, even before,

Again I loved you, only you…

Her arms traveled up to tangle in his silver hair. Crystal- blue eyes shone with love and lust. She was his, only his… He took hold of her sweet mouth, her warm fingers finding their way slowly toward his pointed ears, tracing their shape with the tips. Her full lips were covered by his perfect mouth. His tongue darted out and touched her. The young woman slowly gave him permission to enter her hot cavern. She tasted delightfully, arousing, addicting. Her tongue danced with his, her arms moved slowly down his neck to trace the outline of his powerful shoulders, his lean waist and lower back, taking both his haoris with her movement.

White and red silk pooled at their legs, as she admired at his strong body. Perfect muscles were ripping under her soft, warm touch as she found her way through his chest, following his abs. Just as she fingered his stomach and touched his lower abdomen, he hissed in pain and pleasure and crashed her into his body, her hands trapped between them. The demon ravished her mouth with his own, his only hand eagerly caressing her everywhere he was able to reach. His deadly claws torn her blouse, leaving her shaped breasts uncovered. He left a trail of burning kisses all the way down to her bosom, where he pressed his lips to a caramel nipple.

The woman screamed from the sensations that crashed over her little frame. He lapped her breasts, while his arm found its way down, tearing the material of her skirt. His palm was lightly trembling with acceptation, of touching her there. The demon pushed away the silk of her underwear and touched her burning need. She was so wet and hot for him, that he purred in happiness. The youkai carefully put two claws in her and began slow pace. Her screams filled the night as he took her over the edge. The woman trembled hard as he held her. With determination she looked in his eyes and smirked at the demon.

He now knew what a little vixen could be the small woman as she gave him that smile. She fell to her knees before him and dragged her human claws down his silk- clad thighs. He let a feral grow as she was bringing her palms back up. The woman tenderly slid her palm over the bulge of his hakama and slowly darted forward lightly kissing his burning member. At this rate the demon let a loose howl. She quickly untied his obi and his pants fell down showing her his impressive manhood. Her tongue darted forward and she temptingly tasted the crown of his erection. The demon gave away something between bark and moan as she tidily gripped his sack and took most of him into he mouth. The woman stated bobbing her head up and down between his muscular tights and the demon immediately gripped a handful of black tresses. She took up the pace and he felt his body tensing as she nipped over the base of his manhood. The demon felt the oblivion only a step away. He knew that soon e will spill his burning seed deep into her hot moth. Sesshoumaru let a growl, for he was almost there…

Sesshoumaru opened his eyes letting an inhuman roar.

A dream!!! Only a damn dream…

The taiyoukai closed them again and bowed down his head, in fear, that if he moved other parts of his body, he would eider worsen the painful need in his groin, or spill himself. Needless to say none of the two chances was sounding very appealing to him, so he just decided to wait, until he was able to move to the nearest cold pond. Images from his dream kept coming to his inner eye.

This was not the first time he woke up this way and he knew, that it was not going to be the last. Before he met Kagome, he had never had erotic dreams.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen! If anyone was to tell him, that he would follow a human female, like a lost puppy, that would had given them the chance too see their own hearts, in his palm.

He wasn't sure to be disgusted, angry or sad.

Disgusted, not from her, but from himself, for thinking this way about the pure miko. It was revolting, to know that his control was so loose. Needless to say, his dreams for her were so bold, because of the kiss she gave him. His rebellious mind was playing tricks on him again. If she knew, what she was dong to him…

Angry at himself, for letting, this happen. How could he think, that sleeping under the Goshiboku tree was a goon idea. Not the place, where she had talked with him. Not the place, which was still haunted by her scent. Not the place, where she had touched him, like that…

Sadness was the one feeling that was truly killing him. A dream… After every dream, his need to hold her incensed, every time it felt more real… A dream…

A dream, which was going to stay a dream…

…forever.

He felt, his painful erection losing its intensity, so he dared to move to a more comfortable position. His back to the God- tree, legs crossed, he lifted his amber gaze up, to the fading stars. He sighed and sadly shook his head. Only if there was a way to make her love him…

The only good thing about his dreams, was that this way he was able to feel as if she was really his, if only for a second.

He loved her.

That was a fact and there was nothing he was able to do about it. The heart was not unbreakable, that soul was not changeable, but the love was immortal.

He knew, that in his next life he was going to be near her again. Again he was going to love her, although she held no feelings toward him.

His silver hair and white clothes were swaying on the west wind, which was bringing scents and sounds from the camp. Sesshoumaru was a bit surprised, that the humans were up so early, for his knowledge about ningens told him, that their kind use to wake up after sunrise.

Suddenly a too well known scent of vanilla and milk assaulted his nose. That was Kagome and she was coming toward him… fast.

He now was able to smell the light scent of salt around her. Tears?

Sesshoumaru felt his more demonic side stir. He was going to kill the one that had made her cry.

At this rate he was able to hear her hiccups and her fast steps.

The next second he was up to his feet, his semi- erection completely ignored. Then she broke into the clearing stopping just after the tree- border.

Sesshoumaru watched in awe. Eve with her face covered in tears and her hear ruffed from sleeping, she still appeared unearthly beautiful.

Gold met sapphire and the time yet again sopped for the two of them.

Than without a warning the miko latched into his him arms tidily around her waist and face into his haori. He just stood there dumbfounded for a second trying to find a reason why was this happening.

Than carefully, mindful of his armor he hugged her close trying not to crush her into his body, as he so desperately desires.

After few minuets of silent crying by Kagome and some tender strokes from the taiyoukai, she whispered with small voice:

"Sesshoumaru?"

"Yes?"- He asked, hoping finally to understand what was happening. Not that he was complaining to have Kagome in his arms, but still.

"She is going to die, Sesshoumaru…"- she started crying anew.

"Who is going to die, answer me?"- He demanded.

"She is already dead and we can't do anything to save her…"

"Who!"- He said strongly.

After not getting any reaction he nuzzled her hair with his nose and said with all the warmth he felt for her:

"Kagome, please."- He said tenderly.

The pair of the most beautiful sapphire eye met his golden ones and his breath hitched. He was so enchanted of her teary face that he almost didn't catch the answer:

"Kikyou…"

To Be Continued…

Hey Guys,

What's up? You like it? I really hope yes, cuz' my rating fell a bit and I'm trying to figure the reasons for that. If anyone have some ideas, how to bring it up again, gust send some reviews, K? So this is my firs citrus, so I hope it's not as lame as I think it is… Hm, do not own the song, it's called "I believe in you" and I translated it from Bulgarian.

So pls R&R,

Love you very much,

KillingMeTender


	10. World for two

**Shiinto no Saishuuheiki**

**Silent Weapon**

By KillingMeTenderly

**World for two**

Don't fall asleep while

Stars are dieing.

Don't fall asleep- it's world for two.

Tired, I undreaming,

Will search for you, even if,

Even if I am not.

Don't dream for somebody else's,

Tender embraces,

Don't dream, its world for two.

The sea of the hot East,

Will keep you warm, even if,

Even if I am not.

Even if I am not,

On this world, search,

For my love in a bloom,

Of a spring flower, search for me

Don't meet the dawn,

Without love for me,

Don't meet- its world for two,

In your eyes will rise,

Impossible day, even if,

Even if I am not.

Don't love another,

Even my shadow,

Don't love- its world for two,

My tender love,

Will keep you warm, even if,

Even if I am not…

Its world for two…

Never in his life before he met her, he had believed that he could love that much. Then on that eventful day he laid his eyes on her for first time he fell. He fell hard and fast. Since then he was not the same.

The Lord of the West always have kept a sparkle of hope in his heart, that maybe someday she would love him, the same way he loved her. Now he held her in his arms… as a friend.

He had wished so many times that he would someday be able to near her, to embrace her, even if she didn't feel the same for him, but now…

His words were crashing around him… She had given him hope for something impossible, not understanding, that her hugs were like poison… Slowly, but surely killing him… Sweet torment…

He was going to let the venom of her tender words to spill into his system, stopping his heart, melting him from inside out…

But why care, he was dieing?

After all, was there a more beautiful death, than the death from the broken heart…?

(Earlier that night)

Kagome was sitting near the fire starring into the dancing flames with unseeing eyes. She had kissed Sesshoumaru!!!

OK, it was just on the cheek, but none less it was a kiss! The most important question was:

"Why did she do it?"

Or maybe actually more like:

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

The girl was confused out of her mind. Was she… was she falling for Sesshoumaru? From his Diary she learned, that he actually had a sweet, caring side, but was she going to believe it? What if it was only a sick joke?

The young woman tensed at this thought. Unknown why the idea of an uncaring Sesshoumaru was giving her the creeps. The Diary!!! That was another problem at hand. If he managed somehow to find it… Well, first of all she was going to die from embarrassment! Second, if she was still alive, well, he wouldn't harm her, but he would certainly withdraw from her and…

…Well she just didn't want him to… Again, did she have any feelings for him? The miko was so confused, that she felt like her brain was broken… OH NO!!! She was spending too much time with Inuyasha!!! What next? "Feh"- ing and using at least two curses in a sentence?

God, she hoped no!!!

Kagome shook her head, deciding to go to sleep. She bid "Goodnight" to a smirking Miroku and fuming Sango, hugged Shippo and lay on her sleeping- bag.

The two last thoughts that occupied her mind were, where the hell was Inuyasha and what was Sesshoumaru doing all alone. With this she drifted into the world of the dreams…

Shouting voices and curses found their way into Kagome's mind. He beautiful dream was cut short by Inuyasha's irritating voice. After a bit she was able to hear Sango and Miroku too. She wasn't sure what was happening, because her still half- asleep mind was refusing to work.

She slowly opened one eye, just to be met with darkness. DAMN!!! It wasn't even dawn yet and those psychopaths were wide awake!!!

She carefully rose to find, that Shippo wasn't with her anymore. She silently cursed and started listening to the conversation:

"There have to be a way!!!"

"Inuyasha, listen, what is dine is done, we can not change the past."

"I refuse to believe!!! I will find a way! That bastard Naraku, only if I was able to get my claws on him, I would…"

"Stop it, Inuyasha!!! Let's ask Kagome- chan, she will be able to think of something…"

At this rat the miko stood up and walked past few trees, just to be met by one of the saddest views in her life.

There in the middle of the clearing has sitting Inuyasha, bloody and dirty, clinching Kikyou's body to his, like a lifeline. Her lifeless body…

Brown eyes, so different from hers were now unblinking and glossy. The long black hair spilled around her, lips parted slightly.

Her attire torn, as Inuyasha's, only missing the blood. She didn't bleed, for she wasn't a human. And the worst of all, the place between her breasts, a bit on left was completely missing, The place, where her heart was supposed to be…

Kagome bid her lip and made a step back and another, and another, and another…

She started running away, her eyes watering. For first time in her life she wanted Kikyou and Inuyasha to be truly together. She didn't love him any more, now she was certain. He was Kikyou's, he has always been. Maybe it was just a memory of the older miko's love imprinted on their soul, that made Kagome think such ting about him.

She ran desperately toward the little comfort she was able to find, toward Goshiboku, toward Sesshoumaru…

Sobs found their way out of her throat. Tears started spilling from her eyes. She ran and ran, crying for the fate of one decayed love…

She broke into a smaller clearing and stopped. She looked forward to the standing form of Sesshoumaru. Their eyes met and the miko was able to read hundred emotions in the golden suns that were his eyes. Caring, confusion, anger and most of all love…

With a broken cry she jumped toward him, not caring, that his armor left burses over her tender skin. She clenched into him as a lifeline, unable to stop crying. The young woman felt as he slowly lifted her arm to embrace her.

She listened as he whispered into her ear to stop her tears and that everything was going to be alright.

She brokenly said:

"Sesshoumaru?"

"Yes?"- was his replay.

"She is going to die, Sesshoumaru…"- she almost started crying again.

"Who is going to die, answer me?"- His voice sounding demanding.

She wanted to shake her head:

"She is already dead and we can't do anything to save her…"

"Who!"- She heard him saying.

She looked up and met his eyes. Then it hit her. They were beautiful! Gold and amber were colliding together. It was beyond her how she hadn't paid attention to this.

"Kikyou..."- She whispered sadly.

"Who?"- Was the only thing he said.

"Naraku…"- one word explaining everything.

There was a pause between them.

Suddenly an idea came to her. She looked hopefully at him and said:

"Sesshoumaru…"-when she was sure she had his attention she continued- "Can I ask you for a favor? Can you use Tenesaiga to bring her back?"

Her voice was weak even if her own ears. For a second he was silent and than he looked sadly at her.

"Kagome,"- he made a pause, as if tasting her name on his lips- "This Sesshoumaru do not think that this is a good idea."

The miko looked him desperately and he continued:

"This world is a world for two. I, Sesshoumaru know the fact, that you have feelings for my half- brother…"

He lowered his gaze and said:

"That way, Kagome, you will be able to have him."

She knew that he couldn't see her, but she still smiled watery.

"You are right again, Sesshoumaru, it's a world for two. Inuyasha and Kikyou deserve to be together…

…Please, Sesshoumaru, I'm begging you…"

She was cut short by a claw over her lips. The taiyoukai gave her the tenderest look she had ever received and said slowly:

"I, Sesshoumaru, will do as you wish, Kagome, I just hope you do not regret this decision in the future."

"So you are going…"- She said hopefully.

"Yes, Kagome, this, Sesshoumaru will bring the miko Kikyou to life. I give you my word…"

To Be Continued…

ZzZzZz ---- , Sleepy, sleepy, sleepy…

Ah! Oh hi, what's up?

I really hope you liked the chappy, I fell asleep two times while I was writing it…

So nothing new to say, only beware Kikyou bashers, I decided to make her good in this one… It just easies the plot, and as you can see I'm lazy… - I want to thank you all for the wonderful reviews, guys I love you!!!

Ummmmmmm, R&R pls,

Manny kisses and a teary goodbye,

KillingMeTenderly


	11. Does it hurt to live in the reality?

Shiinto no Saishuuheiki

Silent Weapon

By KillingMeTenderly

Does it hurt to live in the reality

By a nice autumn afternoon,

Where circle the faded leaves,

I see my night dreams again.

Dreams where both of us are.

We were waking on a desert highway.

Hands together.

You and me,

Together on the highway.

The beatings of your heart,

Were giving our rhythm.

Always faster,

No one can stop us.

Our beatings are like love,

A long and eternal thread.

Come on, open your eyes,

Look at me,

My firs love…

He loved her more than the life its self. He did. But now she was tormenting him. She of course did not understand it, but still, it hurt, like Hell. She had just found the most painful and mist sweet way to tortured him. Caring smiles, warm embraces, innocent kisses. She was killing him tenderly. The worst part?

He loved it. He loved every moment of it. He loved living in a dream that was not, where she held feelings for him. He wanted this to be a dream, that would never end, an old fairytale, that lasted to the end of the world. Or maybe it was another dream, another fantasy, that world imprint its self in his sanity. Or maybe he was already insane, all that had happened, just a trick of his mind. He hoped so, for he was falling…

…Falling so deep, that he couldn't remember the world before it started. He fell…

…But as far, as he was to fall…

…He did not mind falling.

Lapis met gold. There was no lie in his eyes. Kagome felt emotions dancing right under her skin.

The way he looked at her made her shiver. No hate, only longing. He held the eyes of a dreamer, someone, that didn't keeping touch with reality. She couldn't blame him. His life…

…His life had to be a living Hell. Was the world so brutal, that it made him hide under, that cold mask of his? Did it hurt to live a life, were you are a Nobody. Just a decoration to the landscape. She was sure that he hurt inside. Why didn't he let anybody in? Was he going to give her a chance to know him? Was he to show her his deepest secrets, desires? He unknowingly had opened him self to a book, this way- to her.

Does it hurt to live into reality? Maybe, the insane people, were just like that. They were rejected from this world, to be happy in their own, were one was what one desired to be. Whoever he or she choose.

Kagome fought the urge to shake her head. What was with her today? She was having strange thoughts. The miko looked up, meeting his gazed look. Oh, God!!! He was still holding her. Her mind was telling her to go, her heart to stay and her body to drive even closer into his warmth.

She bring her self to speak:

"Sesshoumaru…"- her voice sounded strange, even for her- "We must be on our way. If you still want to save Kikyou, that is?"

She felt him stir and that the look in her eyes made her froze. Love, care and… something she had never seen before. The way his eyes met her set her body on fire. Was it… was it lust that shone into his amber orbs.

She than imagined, what was he feeling. He pressed so intimate to the one he wanted. She shivered. Not fro the cold. Not from fear, but from a feeling, that was born deep into her lower abdomen.

Sesshoumaru wanted to groan. He was following her body reactions and now he regretted it. First she was deep in thought, than a bit confused, but than a scent he was sure, he would never forget hit him.

Arousal. Her sweet aroma of warm milk and vanilla mingles with that of spices made his own body react with unwanted intensity. His demon nature was calling to him just to throw her to the ground and have his way with her, forgetting all the things he had to do. To take her again and again until she wasn't able to walk strait without his help…

He felt every fiber of his being telling him to do it. Every fiber of his soul screaming to him, that he was a heartless bastard, just to think that way. To rape her?

That was NOT going to happen, as long as he held to the last pieces of sanity.

And way was she aroused? Was it because of… him? Sesshoumaru dismissed this thought instantly. But the idea of her thinking for somebody else, when she was in his arms pained him greatly.

"Ummm, Sesshoumaru?"- she asked.

He understood, that he had just as she called it "Spaced out'. The taiyoukai nodded and scooped her in his arms, running with demon speed toward the camp. There was a moment of silence from Kagome and than she screamed as she understood, that there wasn't solid ground under her feet now.

Sesshoumaru was amused. She was clinging to him, as if there was no tomorrow, shouting her lungs out.

He took his last few leaps to the camp and rooted in front of her friends. Interesting, the miko didn't cease her attacks over his ears, but continued, oblivious to the fact, that he had stopped. She cracked one eye open and than with a lightning speed bolted upright from his arms.

Inuyasha, Sang, Miroku, Shippo and heck, even Kirara were staring into her, considering her mental state. She than spoke seriously:

"Guys, Sesshoumaru…"- she gulped hard and than continued- "Sesshoumaru is going to try to bring Kikyou back, with his sword."

Silence embraced the group. Inuyasha was the one to talk:

"Kagome, are you sure, that you want Kikyou to…"

The miko cut him wit her words- "Yes, Inuyasha. I'm sure. If I wasn't I wouldn't ask Sesshoumaru her to do it, would I?"

"But Sesshoumaru is a bastard…"- he was again stopped by an angry Kagome:

"He promised me, that he will try. And you know what? I believe him!!! He had never lied to me, so don't dear calling him a bastard!"

"Kikyou…"

Here Kagome's voice became softer:

"Kikyou loved you, Inuyasha. You love her. You deserve another chance."

"But what about you?"- The hanyou almost cried.

"It's not about me, my friend"- she smiled- "It's about you and her"

The half demon raised his head and Kagome gasped. In his eyes were tears. The hanyou slowly spoke:

"Thank you, Kagome. You really don't know what does this means to me."- Suddenly, the words I never expected to hear tore from his lips- "Thank you, too, Brother, for agreeing to do this."

Sesshoumaru just nodded and emotionlessly said:

"Move, Hanyou. This Sesshoumaru do not need you around."

The half demon gently lay the clay miko on the ground and than jumped away. Kagome stood right beside Sesshoumaru, praying to the gods, that her idea would work out. There was tense silence as the Taiyoukai gripped the hilt of Tenesaiga.

Seconds turned into minuets and still nothing happened.

"The sword will nor respond."- He said coldly- "Tenesaiga will not listen to this Sesshoumaru's demands."

Kagome put her hand on his shoulder, as Inuyasha sadly shacked his head, his face- crestfallen. As her fingers reached for his arm the sword's aura pulsed to life. Everybody looked as Tenesaiga's power woke up. Sesshoumaru looked at Kagome and than beck to the heirloom sword and than said:

"Miko hold into this Sesshoumaru."- It was more like an order, then a plea, but still she wrapped her arms around his wais, pressing fully her chest to his back. The young woman was deaf to her friends gasps and Inuyasha's curses. The only thing she was hearing was a melody. Melody of love and life. Melody of happiness. The sword of Heaven was alive.

Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and silently said to the katana:

"Tenesaiga, carry my will. Help me to make the one I love smile again."

To Inuyasha, Sango, Miroku and Shippo it looked like he sliced through the air. Than suddenly the small clearing was illuminated by blue light. The gates of Nirvana were open.

Just as suddenly it started, it finished. Everybody looked up. Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha were the only one that were able to feel the real change. There stood Kikyou, but she was no more the same, she was…

To Be Continued…

I'M SO BAD!!! A cliff, and what a cliff! Do not cry, I'll update tomorrow, I'm almost 100 sure, OK? For the next chappy I want some humor. Here something to munch until tomorrow:

"There was a noisy THUD!!!, when a body hit the ground, fainted. But it was not from Sango, nor Kagome. "Oh, Holly shit!!!"- Inuyasha choked. Sesshoumaru wanted to laugh. If he knew, that they were going to react like that he was to tell them a lot earlier. "NOOOOOOOOO!!!"- Cried Sango."

Sorry, the chappy IS a little insane, but I wrote it while listening to "Down with the sickness", so no flames pls.

So love it, hate it? R&R,

Teary goodbye, KillingMeTenderly.


	12. And you are taking over

Shiinto no Saishuuheiki

Silent Weapon

By KillingMeTenderly

And you are taking over

Cold was my soul,

Untold was the pain.

I faced when you left me,

A rose in the rain.

So I swore to the razor,

That never, enchained,

Would your dark nails of faith,

Be pushed through my veins again…

Bared on your tomb,

I'm a prayer for your loneliness.

And would you ever soon,

Come above unto me?

For once upon a time,

From the binds of your lowliness,

I could always find,

The right slot for your sacred key…

Six feet deep is the incision,

In my heart, that barless prison.

Discolours all with tunnel vision,

Sunsetter,

Nymphetamine…

Sick and weak from my condition,

This lust, this vampyric addiction,

To her alone in full submission,

None better…

Nymphetamine…

Nymphetamine girl…

And you are taking over... And you are taking over me... And you are taking over me again… My heart, full of untold secrets yearns for her. My body full of unsatisfied desires begs for her. My soul full of loneliness reaches for her. Where She is?

My Angel. I step back and sallow my pride. I wish to share with her so much, but that is impossible. Close your eyes, Beloved, and see beyond my words. When I tell you that I hate you, know that, I love you. When I whisper to you "Die", just live like no tomorrow. When I call you "Worthless", understand, that you mean the world for me.

Do you knew, that I loved you yesterday? That I love you today? That I will love you tomorrow?

You are Eternity, but you are just a human. Your life is so fragile. Something precious. And you torture my heart. And you kill my soul. And you…

…Take over... And you take over me... And you take over me again…

Before them Kikyou slowly stood on her shaking legs. The woman's scent danced over the clearing. Autumn leaves. Her aura sparkled…

… With life.

She was no more undead. The life was creeping slowly threw her warm body. Beating heart was pumping her blood threw her veins. Breath hitched in her lungs, her eyes wide. She took a step forward, feeling her muscles move, under her skin.

The Japanese clay doll, with stolen soul was now alive. Forgotten feeling was slipping threw her frame and mind. Pulsing, the pulsing of her own heart.

Her arm reached forward.

"Inuyasha?"- She whispered.

"Kikyou…"- the Hanyou, took a step forward. Seeing her timid nod he broke into full sprint. Before anyone was able to react, the older miko was tightly wrapped in Inuyasha's arms.

Burring his head into her hair, the half- demon said:

"Kikyou, I'm sorry… I do not deserve you. I was not able to save you, when I saw Naraku attacking you. Kikyou, will you… forgive me?"

The woman just nodded, tears glittering in her eyes. She made a move to claim his lips, when suddenly…

"Can't you two get a room?"

Kagome looked around firstly, to see who broke the romantic moment 'Heck, that was better, than any film I've ever watched', to be stunned to see… Shippo!?!

"This is disgusting!"- The small boy said stubbornly.

"Yeach, Shippo's right."- Said bored Sango. Oh, beloved mood swings.

"Yes, Hanyou, this Sesshoumaru, do not wish to watch you mate that bitch of yours, right before his person."- The demon Lord icily exclaimed.

With nothing else to do Kagome just sighed.

"Inuyasha, maybe it's better to take Kikyou to… talk."- she knew that no talking, but a grand make- over session.

The hanyou nodded and without a second thought leaped into the tree lines, Kikyou in his arms.

There was a silence in the camp, when suddenly…

"Let's go SPY on them!!!"- Shouted an extreme Sango and started jumping happily.

OK, that was just a BIT weird for Kagome. The exterminator was never the on that made such demands. Than without a warning she sprinted toward, where Inuyasha and Kikyou were. Kagome and Miroku looked at each other puzzled and than ran for it after her. Sesshoumaru just rolled his eyes watching as the neko youkai transformed and ran, leaving only the kitsune screaming:

"Wait for meeeeeeeeeeee. I'm just a kid!!!"

His sigh was barely heard as he started walking after the strange group fro people with interesting mental capabilities.

(On another clearing not as far away, as you think)

Inuyasha hugged Kikyou close and tenderly whispered:

"I want you to know, that I always lov…"

One very happy Sango busted into the clearing shouting:

"WOW, I'm first!!!"

Only a second after that there were a panting Kagome and a shouting "Don't, Sango!" Miroku.

Inuyasha's eyes were like little saucers and Kikyou's cheeks became red.

Just as the hanyou was about to talk. Kirara and Shippo ran to them.

The fox demon started his usual rant:

"I'm just a little kid. What will you do, if something eats me? Hm? I'm the brain of this…"

He was cut by an angry Inuyasha. "Little brat, shut up! I wanted to tell…"

"You should keep your mate safer, monk."- was heard Sesshoumaru's uncaring voice.

"My mate?"- Asked puzzled Miroku.

"I'M NOT HIS!!!"- Decided to drop Sango, aggravated.

The Taiyoukai just lifted his eyebrow and sighed:

"You humans were more degusting, than I, Sesshoumaru ever thought. So you pupped her, but you didn't take her as a mate?"

"Hey, Buddy, got something against humans?"- Screamed Kagome, finally founding her breath.

"Pupped?"- Miroku and Sango asked together.

Ignoring Kagome, the Lord of the West answered:

"Yes, pupped. She is with your pup, is she not?"

Silence.

"Pup, like… baby?"- Kagome whispered.

Sesshoumaru just nodded.

There was a noisy THUD!!!, when a body hit the ground, fainted. But it was not from Sango, nor Kagome.

"Oh, Holly shit!!!"- Inuyasha choked.

Sesshoumaru wanted to laugh. If he knew, that they were going to react like that he was to tell them a lot earlier.

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!"- Cried Sango

Kagome's eyes almost fell from her head as she saw the Demon Lord smirking.

"It's all the DAMN pervert's fault!!!"- The exterminator shouted.

"Do not scream, woman. You are just as culpable, as the Monk."- Sesshoumaru said.

'That was mean!'- Shouted Kagome's inner voice and before she thought, she did the mist stupidest thing, that a being that wanted to live was able to do. She said "That wasn't very nice" and well… she hit him .

It was not strong, just a push on his arm, but when she did it, her world stopped.

'Shit! Now he will surely kill me!!!'- She closed her eyes.

Seconds passed and the killing blow never came. She had never been happier in her life to open her eyes. There before her was standing Sesshoumaru, glaring at her.

"You will refer, from striking this Sesshoumaru, Miko"

His voice was cold and Kagome, deeply in her conciseness understood, that he didn't refer her with her real name. What she feared was his voice. Cold, uncaring, full of hatred. Somehow a huge hollow feeling fond place in his chest.

She felt her eyes tearing. He just turned and walked away. He… he was angry at her.

Suddenly Sango's tantrums, broke her free from her trance.

She hugged her friend, as Inuyasha was trying to wake up Miroku. Kikyou was just staying away, watching them.

As she whispered to her friend, that everything hill be fine, her thoughts drifted on another subject.

That pain in her chest was scaring her. Confusing her.

This was the pain, that one felt, when he had lost something precious. That was leading to another question.

As she helped Sango to go back the camp her mind was tearing. Her world was shaking. Her mind refused it, but her heart did not.

Was she growing up to… love Sesshoumaru?

Her strike hadn't hurt. Not at all. It was his heart that was torn.

It was his soul that screamed in pain.

After all, she still saw him as a monster… Shiinto no Sishuuheiki.

The worst part was that she had given him the hope, that she would give him a chance, even for a friendship.

He leaned on the Goshiboku and closed her eyes. Even in the moment, that she disrespected him and hit him… he still loved her.

She was taking over… Taking over him… Taking over him again…

Than a voice tore the silence.

"Can I, please sit by you Lord Sesshoumaru?"

To Be Continued…

Hey guys!!!

How is it? Firs I really want to apologies, for I mixed up the swords names(I was kind of sleeping). I will look to it right now. Second I really want to thank you for all the great reviews that you wrote me. Some of you really gave me ideas for the plot. Um, third there were some questions I got so: The parings are:

Kagome/Sesshoumaru

Miroku/Sango

Kikyou/Inuyasha

And for Shippo I'm truly not sure. BTW if you got some good ideas, I won't refuse to put them in.

Last: As I found slmcandle won't be able to be my beta, so I'm looking for new one. So if somebody wants the place send me a message. I don't want to choose, so if there is more than one person I'll just pick blindly, K?

Teary goodbye, KillingMeTenderly

…From a sacred place beyond the Apocalypse…


	13. One desperate kiss

Shiinto no Saishuuheiki

Silent Weapon

By KillingMeTenderly

One desperate kiss

When I see her eyes,  
Look into my eyes,  
Then I realize that,  
She could see inside my head.  
So I close my eyes,  
Thinking that I could hide,  
Disassociate so I don't have to lose my head,  
This situation leads to agitation.  
Will she cut me off?  
Will this be an amputation?

I don't know,  
If I care,  
Life's not fair.  
Fighting all the time,  
This is out of line,  
She loves me not, loves me not…  
Do you realize, I won't compromise,  
She loves me not, loves me not…

But it's sad to say sometimes,  
She says she loves me not.  
But I hesitate,  
To tell her I hate,  
This relationship,  
I want out today,  
This is over…

I don't know ,  
If I care,  
Life's not fair,  
Fighting all the time,  
This is out of line,  
She loves me not, loves me not…  
Do you realize I won't compromise,  
She loves me not…  
Life's not fair…

Line for line, ryhme for ryhme,  
Mad,  
On the real, could you feel,  
What I feel, what's the deal girl?

I don't know ,  
If I care.  
Life's not fair.  
Fighting all the time,  
This is out of line,  
She loves me not, loves me not…  
Do you realize I won't compromise.  
She loves me not, loves me not…  
Life's not fair,  
Life's not fair,  
Life's not fair,  
Life's not fair,  
She loves me not…  
Loves me not…

These feelings… These smiles… These words….

Nothing lasts forever. Someday this world will come to an end. Someday her life will come to an end. And then, when I will lie alone in the darkness I will remember. Waiting for the memories to come to me.

Memories of blue flowers, of laughter and a blue- eyed angel. She will stay imprinted in me. In my mind. In my heart. In my… soul. Sad memories. Sweet memories. Memories of an love, that was not.

I will live with the pain, embracing the heart that is still bleeding. I will live with hope…

… Hope, that someday I will be grown enough. Strong enough to live with the past and so to become able to heal my torn soul. I know that someday I will be able to smile at the sad memories, at the memories that hurt me, transforming them into precious keepsakes, that will remind me of the purest feeling, that ever embraced my cold heart. Of the woman that made me believe…

… Believe in Love.

"Can I, please sit by you, Lord Sesshoumaru?"

Voice cut in his head. Tender, caring, bringing so much pain. He was sure, that she did not know what she had done, but his primal side was howling in pain. In youkai costumes, for a female to hit a male without a real reason was considered, that the same didn't want to have any contact with him.

Sesshoumaru knew, she didn't mean any of this. She wanted to be his "friend". Still her rejection was making his youki dance with pain and want. Want for her submission. Want for her. Desperate, selfish need.

The taiyoukai didn't answer, but moved a bit to the left, making place for her to sit. His back to the God- tree, legs crossed end eyes digging into some unseen point on the sky.

Kagome felt anger building in her. He was ignoring her! Again!!! The young woman was wondering, what the hell had she done, to deserve this kind of reaction. She really wanted to hit him over the head, but thinking twice she decided against it. In his sulking mood, the most probable outcome would be her losing the limb, that touched his almighty body in improper way…

OK, was it just her imagination, or was the last line just a bit… Miroku's style?

She groaned and sat, not too gracefully, mind you, next to the demon Lord. Shit, she was turning into a pervert. First Sango getting pregnant, second- Inuyasha and Kikyou having make- out session in the forest and now her thinking funny tings about Sesshomaru's gorgeous body.

Where the hell did THAT come from? Shit, Miroku was putting something in their food, she knew it. The worst thing was that deep into her mind a voice was asking her strange questions. Was his hair as silky as it looked? How would it feel to tingle her fingers in it? To slid her arms down his muscular chest, over his six- pack to…

She felt strange sensation in her lower half. The miko blushed. Kami, this was SO embarrassing!

In the same time Sesshoumaru was having difficulties on his own. First, when her scent sparkled with arousal he almost jumped in surprise. Long years training saved him from making fool of him self like that. Then Hell it's self decided to pay him a visit. As the sweet smell of her womanly secrets assaulted his sensitive nose he wished, for first time in his life to be ningen. Ningen that could not feel her want. His shaft twitched with a need, as a rush of blood found its way to the taiyoukai's groin.

Sesshoumaru wanted to groan. Suddenly her arousal died leaving on its place only embracement. On his opinion that was good, because even one more second of this torture and he would have jumped her, not caring if she wanted it or not. And that was NOT good. Last thing he wanted was her- hating him, because he raped her. He wouldn't bear to live with the guilt in his heart. With the hatred he would surely see every time she looked at him.

Sesshoumaru twitched a bit his tale and now the tip of it was hiding his obvious arousal. Kami, he didn't need her screaming bloody murderer of him, if seeing the tended white silk.

Uncomfortable silence found it's place between the two. Kagome was always the first to talk, so she tensed a bit before asking:

"Lord Sesshoumaru, have I done something to dishonor you, or said something improper?"

The taiyoukai didn't look at her, but answered:

"Yes, miko, you have."

'Well, that was cold?'- Kagome thought. Anger rose again. How dare he? She was the one trying to say "Sorry", wasn't she.

"Well, LORD Sesshoumaru,"- she said threw teethes- "May I ask, what I did?"

"No."- He coldly answered. The girl needed to go always and she needed to go away NOW. Or he was going to do something he would regret.

Kagome felt her blood boiling. That jerk!!! How dare he?

"Listen here, you pathetic excuse for a…"- before she could continue Sesshoumaru's voice cut her emotionlessly:

"Stop here, miko."- He said without even looking at her- "Go away."

The need for her was getting painful and his instincts were demanding to take her in every possible way. Body and soul.

Of course, Kagome not knowing for his inner- turmoil continued her ranting:

"Listen, you!!! I'm not your daughter and I'm not your servant. I'm not your mate also,"- at this point he all but wanted to throw her on the ground and take her again and again until she could no longer walk in strait line- "You don't own me!"

"Miko,"- he growled, claws digging in the bark of the tree-"leave now, until you still can. Go or I do not know, what I may do to you."

And one more time Kagome did stupidest thing she could do.

She stood. 'Kami, thank you!'- thought Sesshoumaru. Just as he was hoping for the girl to walk away, the woman broke his ideas for mental un- capabilities.

He saw as she potted and then she… straddled his lap.

Legs were on the sides of his hips, her groin firmly pressed to his now almost painful erection, her palms holding his face making him look at her. Sesshoumaru felt himself trembling with unworldly desire. He groaned, arching his head backwards, closing his eyes. His arm crushed her small frame to his larger body, uncaring of the armor.

Kagome's eyes widened. This wasn't what she thought was wrong. Now she was going to get it…

( Elsewhere )

"Pregnant!!!"- Screamed Sango to now fully awake Miroku- "Pregnant! And you, YOU are the only one responsible for this. You and your… THING!!!"

"Sango, Dearest, lets talk over this, please…"- Said the monk, trying to ignore the upcoming headache.

"Don't "dearest" me… You are not the one that is going to look like a melon in what? Tree months? How am I going to fight Naraku now?"

Miroku felt incredible anger from her words.

"You are NOT going to fight, Sango!"- He all, but commanded.

"And why so? Who are you to order me?"- She shouted.

"I"- he started- "am the father of your child. I am your future husband."

He looked at her confused eyes and took a hold of her arms.

"Sango, will you marry me? Will you give a birth to our child?"

The demon exterminator looked in his eyes finding no lie in them. No regret.

"Yes, Miroku!"- She shouted and hugged him.

"Sango, I love…"

"Are you two finished already? I'm hungry and I can't find Kagome anywhere."- Said Inuyasha, who was watching not too interestedly the exchange of words, between his best friends.

He gulped as he saw Sango and Miroku's dead glares. And Shippou's and… Kikyou's too? Shit, even Kirara was glaring at him.

It was time for our brave hanyou to run. To run fast. And most of all to run NOW!!!

The moment stilled and the demon Lord didn't show and thoughts to letting Kagome out of his steel grip. The miko tried to move to a little more comfortable position, but as she started to wriggle her hips, Sesshoumaru's grip tightened and he let another groan.

"Do… not… move…"- he managed to get out without growling. And then Kagome felt it. Under her groin all the way up to her stomach was pressed something hot and hard.

It couldn't be his…?

The realization hit… hard… over the head. It was! She stilled her every movement. Heck, she even stilled her breathing. She had managed to arouse him? But how?

He was so… huge. That thing was not going to fit in any woman. And it was not definitely going to fit in her! The thought made her blush. She and Sesshoumaru, doing… that. Heat pooled in her abdomen again.

"Do not…"- The demon Lord groaned, trying to ignore the thought of ridding her from that little skirt of hers and…

"Don't what?"- She asked somewhat curious.

"Do not think the thoughts you are thinking now."- His voice was rough and thick with desire.

"This Sesshoumaru do not care if you are thinking of the half- breed, just stop!"- He said hoping to make his voice cold.

"Why should I be thinking of him?"- She said anger flaring again.

"So… for whom… were you thinking…?"- He asked, trying to lead his mind away from desire.

She scrolled:

"That was a stupid question? Oh, I know! I have one too. In whose lap I'm sitting right now?"

He finally managed to look at her.

"In mine."- He answered wondering if the girl was becoming denser.

"Very good."- She said sarcastically- "Now try to answer you own question."

Sesshoumaru's heart skipped a beat.

"You were thinking for this Sesshoumaru, in that way?"- He asked.

"Well"- She said now really angry- "Is it that hard to believe that I could like you? Lust for you? Love you?"

Kagome wanted to blush and hide somewhere. Somewhere, that nobody would find her. Did she really say that one?

Those last words did it. His control slipped right through his hands. With a possessive growl he titled her head not- too- gently upwards by her hair and crushed his lips into her.

One kiss… One kiss of want… One kiss of desire…

…One desperate kiss…

…Of love…

To Be Continued…

I'm SO SORRY for not updating, but my luck decided to show me that the Gods hate me!!! I was thinking of updating the day after, but my internet screwed up. The next day I forgot to pay it. And on the third day… well lets say, that if a person that have been training freerun for five years tells you: "Do it, you are not going to fall!"- do not Listen to him/ her!!! Now I'll not be able to walk for few days and so on. I really want to say sorry for all the mistakes you have found in this chapter, but I still don't have a beta( Poor Deb swims in homework) and I'm not very good in finding my own errors.

I want to thank you for all the wonderful reviews that I got!!! I love you guys!

Please R&R,

Love you all,

KillingMeTenderly


	14. Change for better

Shiinto no Saishuuheiki

Silent Weapon

By KillingMeTenderly

Change for better

So deep, that it didn't even bleed and catch me,

Off guard, red handed,

Now I'm far from lonely,

Asleep, I still see you lying next to me,

So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me, I...

I need something else,

Would someone please just give me,

Hit me, knock me out,

And let me go back to sleep,

I can laugh,

All I want inside I still am empty,

So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me, I...

I'll be just fine,

Pretending I'm not,

I'm far from lonely,

And it's all that I've got,

I'll be just fine,

Pretending I'm not,

I'm far from lonely,

And it's all that I've got,

I guess, I remember every glance you shot me,

Unharmed, I'm losing weight and some body heat,

I squeezed so hard,

I stopped your heart from beating,

So deep that I didn't even scream,

I…,

I'll be just fine,

Pretending I'm not,

I'm far from lonely,

And it's all that I've got,

I'll be just fine,

Pretending I'm not,

I'm far from lonely,

And it's all that I've got…

And it's all that I've got,

Yeah, it's all that I've got,

It's all that I've got,

It's all that I've got,

It's all that I've got…

So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me,

So deep that I didn't even scream…

I'll be just fine,

Pretending I'm not,

I'm far from lonely,

And it's all that I've got,

I'll be just fine,

Pretending I'm not,

I'm far from lonely,

And it's all that I've got…

And it's all that I've got,

It's all that I've got…

………………………………………………………………………………………………………...

I was, she was, so we never were…

I never had her, she had me, so we never had each other…

She did not love me, I loved her, so we never were in love…

That was my fate… Away from her…

Obsessed with her…

And her fate… Away from me…

Disgusted with me…

And our fate… Together forever…

Forever as Eternity…

Eternity as "Always alone"…

Too close to each other…

Impossible far…

Because I was…

And she was…

But we never were…

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Sesshoumaru crushed his lips into Kagome's, as if trying to reach her soul in one desperate attempt…

…To make her love him.

The miko's eyes widened in shock. It felt… nice. His mouth was warm, his hand in he hair lightly massaging her scalp. She watched as his burning amber eyes were hidden from her by thick long lashes that tickled her cheeks. Fire burned its way through her system as he pulled her even closer to him, despite the cold, unforgiving armor he wore.

Sesshoumaru felt it. Bliss. He was holding her in his arms. He was kissing her. She was not running away. His body was pressed to hers, his lips gentle, but demanding.

His closed eyes suddenly flew open, as he felt her arms going around his neck and tingling in his hair. Her sweet lips shyly brushed to his in respond to him.

He was in heaven.

No other way to explain the situation. He has died and despised to all his sins he had gone in heaven. Not that he cared. If dead meant being with his Kagome, then dead it was it.

As his tongue touched his lips the young miko almost jumped. The taiyoukai's teethes gently nibbled on her lower lip and she moaned from the feelings that shook her frame.

He felt her tremble and open her mouth. Sesshoumaru wasted no time and pushed his tongue through her slightly parted lips. She tasted… divine. Sweet and warm. He never wanted to let her go. Fire from love and lust was making havoc in his mind and body. The delightful, yet painful burning between his legs was pressed to her tights. He wanted… he needed…

Still she responded to him. She kissed him back, her lips, tongue teeth dancing with his.

This was the moment he decided… He was going to try.

He was going to fight for her.

Going to have her.

With this decision he gently pulled her head backwards and deepened the kiss to maximum. He made sweet love to her mouth and held her for first time in his life. And not for last if he had something to do with it.

Kagome was melting inside. Her senses were on hipper alert. She was able to feel the exact shape of his divine lips. His thick lashes over her cheeks, the stands of shiny, silver hair that were sliding throughher fingers. As she fought with him for dominance she looked deep into her soul. This feelings. New. Different.

Did she love him?

The answer was lost in her mind as they broke the kiss for oxygen. Her mind stopped as his gaze bore into her, golden oceans, hotter, brighter than the stars in the night of the new moon. Love, lust, need filled his amber eyes. She wanted to loose her self in the fire depths. To burn in them, to drown in them.

They were both panting heavily, looking at each other faces. His fingers untangled from her hair and slowly reached to pull some strands from her eyes. He wanted this moment to last forever. For her to be forever his, just like this.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

He fought his way through the thick forest, fleeing from the inevitable. He knew that he could run, but not hide.

It was coming! His… Doom. He was going to die a painful death, just for his stupidity. The air before sunrise was thick, cold sending shivers down his spine. He was not going to make it. Never going to see the sunshine again. Bravery was not going to save him this time.

Despite to his thoughts he continue running from the unseen enemy. He heard footsteps behind himself and that awful voice calling his name. Voice full of promises of pain and suffer. Slow death and many hellish hours of torture.

"INUYASHA!!! Come here and fight like a man, damn it!"- Sango's words made him run even faster.

Fight? Against her, now? Gods, he was stupid, but not that much. He wanted all his major limbs. Hell, he wanted his reproduction limbs too!!!

So he kept running. He WAS going to make it. He picked up his tempo, praying to every God, whose name he knew for salvation.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

"INUYASHA!!! Come here and fight like a man, damn it!"- This voice broke the romantic air between Kagome and Sesshoumaru.

"Oh my God! Sango!"- With these words she bolted upright from the taiyoukai's lap, giving him full view of what was under her uniform skirt. Many years of training saved him from a critical nosebleed.

Her midnight blue, lace panties were imbued with the smell of her need. Kami, wasn't he happy about the fact that she was too busy straitening her self, to find where his lustful gaze rested.

He didn't look her in the eye when she started talking. Yes, she had beautiful eyes indeed, but he was able to see her eyes pretty often. Now this, this was something new!

"Um, Sesshoumaru, stand up, please. Oh, Gods if they had found us like this, Miroku was never going drop it."- She said moving away and with this putting the end of Sesshoumaru's free show. He sigh, it was good while it lasted, and he was a male, he couldn't help himself, wanting to see more. It was normal, wasn't it?

"Did you like it?"- He suddenly asked.

She stopped her ranting and looked at him, with question in her eyes.

"That kiss."- He sight- "Did you like it?"

"I, ummmmm, I…"- She blushed- "I… liked it."- She said slowly, closing her eyes embarrassed.

He silently stood up and walked to her lifting her head gently to his face. The taiyoukai waited for the miko's eyes to open. She didn't disappoint him. Her ice gaze met his golden one.

"This Sesshoumaru enjoyed our kiss also."- He said tenderly.

Time stopped for two of them. He was just thinking to claim her sweet lips again when…

"HELP!!! She will kill me!!! She will bite my…"- Inuyasha broke into the small clearing and stilled as he saw Kagome and Sesshoumaru. He stopped dead in his tracks and eyed them curiously. And then suddenly…

"She will kill me! She will bite my head off and spit it and than she'll dance a cannibal dance over my dead body!!! HELP! Somebody, I need…"- And her ran between Kagome and the taiyoukai, breaking their contact.

The miko was dumbfounded. Sesshoumaru was too, but he didn't show it that was it. And just when they bought were thinking, that it couldn't become any stranger…

"Come here, you week excuse for a worm, I'll show you how to break the mood, by BREAKING every single bone in your pathetic hanyou body. Don't dare run from me, INUYASHA…"- Shouted Sango, while rushing between them again, seemingly oblivious of their existence. Then she disappeared the way Inuyasha ran.

"What the hell…"- Was the only thing Kagome was able to mutter, before Miroku flew past them screaming:

"Sango, my love, please stop this! You can hurt yourself! Sango! SANGO!!! INUYASHA!!!"

The demon Lord blinked at her with question in his eyes, but she shook her head, not understanding, what was happening herself.

As he opened his mouth to speak their surprised was yet to finish.

"INUYASHA! Come here right now! How dare you leave me! Don't make me ask my sister to make another subbdication neckline! INUYASHA!!!"- With those words on her lips Kikyou ran panting through the clearing.

OK. Wasn't that a bit too much? Kagome's mouth was hanging open by now. This was it, she was going to…

"Wait for me! I'm just a kid!!! Sango? Miroku? Kikyou? INUYASHA!!!"- Cried Shippo as he sprinted between them, but not noticing them.

Kagome couldn't take it anymore.

"What the HELL is this havoc? What is happening?!? Somebody? INUYASHA!!!"- And with those words she started running to were her companions had disappeared.

Sesshoumaru just stood there for few minuets, trying to take in what had just happened.

Smirk slowly appeared on his handsome face. His half- brother was popular today. With this thought he couldn't help it.

He haven't done this in years. Since he was a pup, actually. He threw his backwards and laughed. He laughed long and hard.

Laughed from amusement…

Laughed from pure joy…

Laughed because his life was making an extreme change…

… Change for better…

To Be Continued…

Hey guys, what's up. Sorry for not updating sooner. The reason? I'm stupid. I was not able to think anything for DAYS. Actually this chapter id mad from parts I have written before. Like Frankenstein! Urgh, so what ever. Thank you so very much about the wonderful reviews. They make me smile, laught and think. I feel them like… hugs. Thank you guys for still reading my story. I'm not sure how you still haven't died from boredom. And for all that wanted a lemon in this chappy, sorry for letting you down TT First, I'll have a HARD time writing one, second I think, that REAL Kagome, wouldn't sleep with Sesshy only the first day she realizes she likes him. Sorry guys, sorry Sesshy. I've got so many positive comments. People are even saying, that they like the music I listen to and tell me that they care about my incident.

Oh, yeach! Since I got many people wanting to be my betta I gust wrote all their names down and asked that little idiot of mine, that Mum insist me to call "Sister' to choose one of them and she picked "Butterflychan" so she's my new betta! To everyone else- sorry and kill my siss, not me!

Well R & R please!!!

Love, KillingMeTenderly


	15. Which meant nothing and everything

Shiinto no Saishuuheiki

Silent Weapon

By KillingMeTenderly

Which means nothing, which means everything

I woke up in the dead of the night

I'm cold and alone in my bed

I need love to set me free

from the worries I have in my head

In my dreams, she's right here with me

helping me through the night

I want her to take me away

and surround me with her tender wings

I am ready to surrender my heart

enraptured by the love that she brings

I am lost, don't know where to go

without her in my dream

This is forever and meant to be

She is true, she is real,

she is all that I need

An angel of love, sent down from above

I wish I could make her believe

I am lost don't know where to go

without her here with me

This is forever and meant to be

Fly me away

On your Wings Of Desire tonight

Fly me away

and show what love's about

Fly me away, Fly me away,

and show what love's about

On your Wings Of Desire

Take me away...

I can not believe, that a creature, as pure as her exist. She lives day for day, with no pain, no regrets. Every smile is real. Every word- true. She is like an angel that came to bring me salvation. I wish I could have her. I wish to make her a part of me. Mingle our souls. To feel. To be.

I promised my self I will try. I will fight for her. I will have her. Kagome, miko from the future…

You will be mine someday… You will accept my love… And hopefully you will love me back…

Kagome…

My Kagome…

How sweet it sounds…

Oh, the pain! The fear!

It was terrible!!!

Inuyasha sat sulking under a tree, bumps all over his head and for the best… or the worst no major limps missing. Sometime over the early morning angry Sango found her way to the hanyou's throat and made damn sure for him to remember when to mess in a romantic moments, especially in HER romantic moments.

The Inu knew why Sango hit him, but Miroku? Violence wasn't in he priest's ways. On top of all now very alive Kikyou found some ofidas and let's say… Inuyasha cursed the day when his mother met his father. As he was thinking that it can't become worst Kagome came… He never was the optimist of the group, but he really didn't expect so much pain. The young miko sat him a good number of times… about a million, or at least so did it felt. She insisted later, that they were only seven… as if he was buying it.

Inuyasha could only ask him self why was Kagome so angry. When he asked her, her face became an interesting shade of red and sat him… again.

The hanyou wasn't sure, but thought that he saw Sesshoumaru with the young miko earlier, when he ran past her. On the topic where was the ice prince? Surly sitting somewhere under a three laughing his ass out. What a bastard!

Inuyasha looked around. Kagome was furiously digging for something in her backpack, Kikyou was nowhere in slight and Miroku and Sango were away, to continue their "conversation". Feh, right and he was imperator of Japan! He was ready to bet his ramen… no, not the ramen, it's way too precious. He was ready to bet… Shippo, yeah Shippo, that they were somewhere making some miniature, perverted closings of Miroku. Soon, if the two of them continued this was, the people all over the world would be greeting one another with "Will you bear my son?".

Sesshoumaru, thankfully, wasn't around and Kikyou have gone in the forest to find some herbs for the burses all over his body that were left there nobly by Sango. Oh, and Shippo was sleeping with Kirara on the end of the camp.

With that he was left alone with Kagome. Inuyasha nervously lifted his head, looking at the young woman. There was something that he wanted to tell her for some time now, but alas, he had found no time. This conversation was to come and the truth was that he dreaded it, but he really needed to tell Kagome how he felt about Kikyou.

"Kagome?"- He hanyou mumbled.

The priest stopped her assaults over her back- pack and slowly turned around.

'He is using my name'- she thought- 'this will be a serious conversation… Better be ready to tell some "sit"-s.'

"Yeah, Inuyasha, what is it?"- She asked looking him strait in the eye.

The hanyou moved around uneasily, mumbling something, that sounded like:

"Iwantyoutoknowthatilikekikyouanillaskhertobemymatesoidontwantyoutohatemeokokokok?!?"

"…"- Was the most intelligent thought Kagome summoned- "I want to hear that again, only with pauses, please."- She said.

Inuyasha looked down in shame and slowly, but strongly said:

"I… want you to know that I like Kikyou and… that I'll ask her to be my mate… so I don't want you to hate me, OK?"- He asked sadly.

"Why should I hate you?"- Kagome asked, confused.

The Inu looked at her strangely and said:

"Weren't you in love with me?"

Kagome looked at him strangely:

"Yeah, I was…"

Silence…

"But…"- She continued- "I feel like it was before ages…"

She smiled at his questioning face- "I want to wish you and Kikyou the best. I'm happy for you!"- She said standing up.

She wanted to laugh at Inuyasha's gapping face. She took the little space between them and hugged him, knocking the breath out of him. He was her best friend after all. He was like an over protective big brother, or just the dorky boy from down the street, that wouldn't leave her alone… That was why she liked him so.

"And…"- she whispered in his ear- "I think I'm falling for someone…"

After these words Inuyasha broke free, shouting:

"No! You are not going to mate Kouga!!! Over me dead body! You are my friend and I'll still protect you and you really need protection from the flee bag!!! If he touches you, you may catch some disease or something! What if you get bitten from a demon flees which breed over him or something?"

Kagome scowled:

"Who ever told you that it is Kouga I like? But the guy still likes me back!"- She said proudly.

Inuyasha looked at her skeptically and almost laughed:

"Yeah, like somebody with sight will want YOU! Who? I've already killed every demon, that can be found and you don't meet many humans… Who is it Naraku? Ha- ha- ha! Or maybe Miroku is cheating on Sango with you?!? Oh, I know it's this Hobo… Hogo… Hovo… Shit, what was it?"- He choked with laughter.

"Four your information it's Hojo and no I don't like him... And I certainly don't like Naraku."- She screamed enraged.

"So who is he? Or maybe it's she! I know it's Kagura! Or Kanna! Look, Kagura I understand… but the other one I've never guess you are a pedophile! I know it's Shippo! You just wait for him to grow up!"- He holed with laughter.

"Inuyasha! You are a sick bastard!"- Kagome face was as red as a tomato.

"No, I know, it's not her! It's not him! It's it!!! It's Sesshoumaru!!! You'll never know if it's a woman or a man under those baggy clothes and with this pretty, dolly face! It's Sesshoumaru! Right?"- There were tears in his eyes. He looked at Kagome waiting for her fiery response…

…Silence…

"Ka- Ka- Kagome…"- He chocked- "Tell me it's not Sesshoumaru, OK?"

…Silence…

"Kagome, it's not funny!!!"

…Silence…

"No way…"- Inuyasha whispered- "You are in love with the icicle!"

With those words Kagome finally answered:

"Well, what if I am?"- She asked stubbornly.

"Kagome, look"- said a now very serious Inuyasha- "I don't think Sesshoumaru can answer you feelings… Shit I don't even think he has a heart!"

Kagome looked at him angrily… Oh Gods, he knew that glare… she was going to say… IT! Inuyasha braced himself for the pain that was to come, but Kagome mumbled nothing. As he looked up he saw the coldest eyes staring back at him.

"Do not EVER"- she said through glittered teethes- "Say such ting about him again! You have no idea through what he has been! One comment and you will curse the day you were born! Understood?"- She smiled merrily at her last word.

If Inuyasha was afraid before, now he was totally freaked out:

"OK, just don't bite my head off… Feh!"- He tried to sound braver, that he felt.

"OK, deal!"- She sing- songed while pulling something silvery from her back- pack. The young miko turned around leaving praying it the Gods Inuyasha.

"Oh, yeah, before I forget…"- She turned around smiling at the hanyou- "Sit, sit, sit and let's not forget- SIT!!!"- and with those words she left the camp that was currently keeping moaning Inuyasha, oblivious Shippo, that was sleeping like a rock and not so interested Kirara.

Sesshoumaru was still sitting under the Goshiboku, with his fingers lightly tracing the place on the grass where she had been sitting. He couldn't' get her out of his head… her scent… her feel… her taste…

He closed his eyes only to see her face under them. In his head he heard her voice calling his name…

"Sesshoumaru?"- See? Yet again he was right…

"Sesshoumaru? Are you there?"

His head snapped up and his eyes flew upward to meet the face of a seemingly tired Kagome.

The demon Lord said nothing, only lifted his eyebrow to acknowledge Kagome's persistence. The girl numbly walked to him and sat next to him, without even asking. He looked at her, just at time to see her trying to hide a yawn behind her hand. The other hand, he acknowledged was strangely twisted behind her back, as if hiding something. In the moment on his mind was only this that the woman was tired and the lack of sleep was able to play dirty tricks on the humans' system. His instincts were telling him to make her sleep… his intended mate.

He mentally shook his head and turned to her.

"Miko, sleep. Now."- Not exactly the warmest, but it would do.

Kagome seemingly unaffected by the way he talked to her, he was sure it was from the lack of sleep, she was to fiery to give up that easy, just smiled at him ad answered:

"So cold! I'll sleep only if you say the magic word!"- She sounded so innocent - like a little girl.

"Magic word?"-He asked-"This Sesshoumaru knows no magic word. As you see, miko, I'm a taiyoukai, not a priest or a chanter."

She looked at him skeptically and said:

"Don't play with me, Lord of the West, you know that the word is "Please" and beside that my name is Kagome! Be generous enough to use it… not like your brother."

"Half- brother-"- he mumbled- "As you wish… Will you, please, go to sleep?"

His voice didn't change a bit and it sounded extremely funny. When she though about it sleep did sound appealing… But no, she still had to tell him! This was more important than some sweet dreams.

"Sesshoumaru, I have something to tell you…"

But she was cut short by his words:

"Miko go and sleep now!"- His voice was as if he was commanding an army.

"But if I tell you later, you'll be angry with me!"- She wined- "You'll hate me!"

The Demon Lord of the West eyed her curiously and answered her:

"This Sesshoumaru won't be angry with you, Kagome. If you now go to sleep, I'll give you my word not to be aggravated by the things you wish to tell me."

Kagome looked at him foe a second and yawned:

"It sounds fear… I'm in! So, deal?"

He almost smirked at her words. The little miko never stopped to amuse him:

"A deal."- He said his voice softer.

She smiled happily and itched a bit toward him. With a wide yawn Kagome let her head fall to the shoulder of the Demon Lord. Somehow she felt safe with him and really brave too. She had only slept abut three hours that night so in mere minuets her breathing evened and her heart stared beating slower.

Sesshoumaru's eyes widened. When he told her to sleep, he didn't mean for her to do it ON him. Not that he was going to say anything… It was fine with him.

Sesshoumaru looked at her tenderly and his hand found it's place to her face to wipe away some hair, that had spilled over it. Just then he got a glimpse of the thing that Kagome had been hiding behind her back…

Hid breath stopped within his throat, his amber eyes widened his body froze…

It wouldn't be…

It couldn't be…

It was supposed to be burned to dust, to be shattered by the wind…

But here it was…

He withdrawed his hand slowly, emotions rocking his body…

And there, in the arms of his beloved lay the simplest object of all…

A silver- covered book…

Book, that meant nothing…

Book, that meant everything…

To be continued…

SORRY!!! Ummmmmmm, yeah, sorry for not updating for so long, my computer was dead!!! Yeah, ihe electisity blak- out killed it! The only thing I was left to do was to sing "Everything burns"!!! And also I was in the worst writer's block known to the world. My best idea was this:

"I'm from the White house,

I'm fro the Happy place,

I'm from the Funny farm,

I'm just a nutcase."

Don't you think it's brilliant? My English teacher found it and didn't…

Well, Thanks for reading. Please R&R. You are free to give me ideas and especially I'm really hesitating , how should Sesshoumaru react? Angry? Sad? Hurt? Offended? Serenely not happy I think…

Love, KillingMeTenderly.

PS: I'm thinking of witching a LONG one- shot and I decided to ask you what it should be. There are two ideas:

Closer to Heaven.

Tragedy/ Romance

NC 17

Sesshoumaru/ Kagome

Summary: Closer… Closer… Closer… She was the closest to Salvation that he would ever get. He held her in his arms as the night fell, as the sun rose, as the World came crashing down. He held her like a lifeline, her crimson wings burning his eyes, the scarlet words on her fair skin, cutting his soul "Closer to Heaven". He held his only love in his arms, tears in his eyes, gaze set on the skies, asking him self if he was able to see beyond the world.

Kagome in the Wonderland

Humor/ Romance/ Fantasy

NC17

Sesshoumaru/ Kagome (Duh)

Summary: "Let's play a game, little beauty, If you find your way out of here, I'll let you go home. If not, you will be mine…forever." Kagome didn't hesitate. She ran as fast as she could, not turning back to the silver- haired male. His tail swayed as he watched her run. Smirk came to his face and he turned around jumping on a three. "Thirteen… Twelve… Eleven… Ten… Nine… Eight… Seven… Six… Five… Four… Three… Two… One… Ready or not, here I come!"- He whispered. By the gods, he loved that game.

Hope you choose…


	16. Always

Shiinto no Saishuuheiki

Silent Weapon

By KillingMeTenderly

Always

She is smiling like heaven is down on earth  
Sun is shining so bright on her  
And all her wishes have finally come true  
And her heart is weeping.  
This happiness is killing her.

So hard she's trying  
But her heart won't turn to stone... oh no  
She keeps on crying  
But I won't leave her alone  
She'll never be alone.

She'll be right here in my arms  
So in Love  
She'll be right here in these arms  
She can't let go.

His heart hurt, his soul hurt. His gaze traveled over her sleeping form. Beautiful, so beautiful. So close, so far. Was she his, only in his mind? The answer of this question was lying in her delicate hand, so peacefully, that he almost missed it. This book, the book he wrote. He knew every word by heart. He had bared himself in front of the blank pages seeking relieve from this emotions that were hunting him. And she had read it. Sharp pang pulled at his tortured heart. She was too kind, so kind that she had tried to act as if she liked him, not to break his soul. His head fell down. She had given him hope, false hope, but none less, that she berried some feelings for him. He did not wish for her pity, he wanted her love. But kindness was all he got. How could he have been so blind? How was he able, even for a moment, to believe that this goddess sleeping beside him was able to harbor feelings for a monster like him… He wasn't angry with her, not even a bit. But now he hated himself. He had forced this kiss upon her, and she had kissed him back, not to scatter his illusions. He hated himself for believing, that she could love him, he was going to kill that hope, burry it deep inside himself, only living with the admiration he held for her, but as they said…

… Hope died last…

Cold… She was so cold…

The warmth she felt beside her, was now gone. There was only the rough ground, she was lying on and the singing of the empty wind, in the limbs of the tree, that knew no time.

Empty memories were floating in her head. Empty was every word she had ever said.

Kagome shook her head, moaning, from the feelings that were seemingly not hers. The young woman shot her head up, just to be met by the strangest picture, she had ever seen in her life.

There was standing he. Few steps away from her and still he seemed unworldly, too far away to reach. Silver hair was spilled on the wind, bangs hiding two golden eyes, brighter than the stars. His white clothes were chaotically scattered by the breeze, his head turned upwards, in greeting of the rising sun. Sesshoumaru's marble skin was painted in the warm colors of the sunrise. His legs were bent; his right one a bit higher than the left and on his knee was laying his hand, his only hand. Between the elegant white fingers was resting a single flower, herbarium, that looked strangely familiar to the miko. Blue, with six petals it seemed so alien in the warmly painted picture. The red and white tunes were contrasting with the sky painted plant and the warmth of the sun wasn't able to hide the loneliness that was coming from the figure. Sad, so sad was the aura filling the place, tickling her miko senses, such… emptiness she hadn't felt… ever. Pain, regret, sorrow were coming on waves from the demon, and despite to the inner torture he was still holding the flower delicately, tenderly, as if afraid, that it would break, fade away with the wind and time. His fingers were lightly trailing the petals, the six petals that meant a life without love. As he had said the last one always was the "Love me not…" one.

His mental pain was incredibly strong, assumed Kagome, so powerful; that it made her have the same feelings as him. Sesshoumaru's outer peace was contrasting with his inner suffering making his image surreal to the young priestess, the sorrow in his aura so thick that she was able to feel it in the air. Deep, but ice- cold voice broke her thoughts.

"You are awake."- There was no question in his voice, no waver; he was just pointing a fact, as if talking about the sun setting to West.

Kagome shivered, not form the coldness in the air, but the coldness in his tune. What had happened while she was asleep? Had she done something to deserve this kind of treatment? He had been so passionate last night, when he held her, when he kissed her, and now… now he was his old self again. Cold. Uncaring. Unreachable. Not the Sesshoumaru, she had held, not the one she had kissed, not the one she had talked to, not the one she had read in the diary, not the one she had grown to…

…Like…

…Love…?

Her gaze wavered, eyes full of tears. Was the diary just a joke? Or a trap? Had she fallen in love with a person that was not?

Fallen in love…

The night was dying and a new day was being born. But this day was not bringing hope and happiness, only sorrow. A crystal tear ran down a pale face and a white figure, marble shadow in the dim light, shifted.

"Are you angry with me?"- came a trembling question from the small figure sitting on the cold ground.

Silence only came from the white shadow. The female shifted closer to him.

"Please, tell me, what I have done."- The trembling woman asked.

Silence was her answer.

"You hate me, don't you?"- Pain laced her voice.

"I do not."- She almost jumped from the answer.

The white- clad male turned his face from the sunrise to her.

"I am not angry with you and right now I hate only myself."- One blue petal was ripped away by the West wind. The male looked at it and cringed as if it pained him physically to see the flower harmed, as if it meant something more than just a plant. 'Loves me'.-The sun chanted.

"Then why? Your aura… and you won't talk to me… are you angry… is it… cold, so cold… stop it…"- She shivered. The emptiness in the air was becoming overwhelming, making her small figure shudder. Another petal was blown by the wind, making its way toward the rising sun. 'Loves me not'. Whispered the dying stars.

"You are too kind."- Was the only response- "Someday this kindness will kill you". Another tear, another petal and another dream 'Loves me'.- Pleaded the cold ground.

"What are you talking about?"- She asked. A petal. 'Loves me not'- moaned the wind.

"There was no need to act as if you feel something for me."- His gaze didn't left the rising sun- "Still, I wish to thank you. What I felt, what you gave me, even if it was illusion, even if it was from pity toward me, everything was beautiful. Beautiful while it lasted. So don't cry I do not hate you"- Yet another petal was stolen by the wind. 'Loves me'- "What I lie. Loves me not."- He thought.

"What do you mean? I haven't "acted". All I did was all I wanted to do; all words I said were coming from my heart!"- She almost shouted. 'Loves me.'- whispered the wind sadly again. A petal and more tears spilled. His eyes met hers. The only hand reached, as if trying to wipe the droplets from her face, but then it fell limply by the body, flower still in it.

The white figure rose, gaze set to the sun. The smaller figure tried to stay to, but trembled and fell to her knees, the strong demon aura making it hard for her to move.

"I will be back soon,"- said the male- "but do now wait for me. As the time is right I will find you. So until then farewell… Miko."

The demon start taking wide steps to the further end of the clearing. "Don't go."- A simple plea came from the woman.

"I can not. I pains me to see you."- He answered as simply.

No more words were said. Tears fell, steps were made, the sun was rising. A demon turned back one was time, a girl rose her head, two lonely pair of eyes mer. Amber and sapphire met, telling fairytales of sorrow and love. The man turned yet again and broke in the tree line.

The last, sixth petal was torn mercilessly from the once blue flower. The wind embraced it hungrily as a man yearning for his beloved and twisted it in chaotic dance over the lands of Japan.

'Loves me not.'- Whispered the rising sun.

'Loves me not.'- Sang the wind in the in the leaves of the God Tree.

Was it raining? The Demon word felt warm liquid running down his face. Salt hit sensitive nose.

'Loves me not'- Pleaded the dieing stars.

It was not rain… But he had never… Not when his father bring that wench home… Not when his mother has died… Not when his own brother has told him he hated him… Why now?

'Loves me not'- Screamed the cold ground.

The lonesome tear fell from his face and disappeared forever. The only sing that Shiinto no Saishuuheiki had a heart. Lord Sesshoumaru of the West for first time in his life felt such pain that he wanted to die, to kill everything in front his eyes. And that was what he was going to do he decided.

"Loves me not"- Quietly finished the Demon Lord.

The figure didn't even stop as he heard the scream. The same word, that she said when she met him, she shouted now. A name. His name.

"Sesshoumaru!!!"

And the forest went deaf again, deaf as the Lord walking through it. He didn't want to turn back and know that she felt only pity for him. Nothing else… No love… And before he let his inner demon to take full control over him words ripped from his heart.

"But no matter what…'- The wind chanted.

"…I will love you…"- The rising sun keened.

"…Always…"- The Lord whispered.

To be continued…

Hey everybody,

First of all I' soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry for not updating for so long, there just wasn't way to do so. I was able to check my account today for first time in about month and a half. I want to thank you for the reviews and say a big "THANKS!!!'' to everyone that is not too annoyed with me to read the new chapter. I really promise I'll try to update sooner.

Second, I'm just as soooooooooooooooooooooo sorry, that the chapter is so… drama… I couldn't avoid it, but it won't be so angsty in the next one. And not that short.

As I'm here the next time you will find out:

Kagome finally clearing her feelings

Sesshoumaru 'beating' some steam out.

Explanations on strange questions as "How the heck are Kagome and Kikyou both alive?"

BIG talk between Sesshoumaru and Kagome.

Well I hope you'll rate and review!!! Please, pretty please, pretty please with cherry on the top?

Well love U all,

Finally online KillingMeTenderly


	17. Shades Of Grey

Shiinto no Saishuuheiki

Silent Weapon

By KillingMeTenderly

Shades Of Grey

So, what if I never hold you, yeah, or kiss your lips again?

So I never want to leave you and the memories for us to see,

I beg don't leave me…

I found you here, now please just stay for a while,

I can move on with you around.

I hand you my immortal life, but will it be forever?

I'd do anything for a smile, holding you 'til our time is done,

We both know the day will come, but I don't want to leave you.

Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost,

It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over.

Trails in life, questions of us existing here, don't wanna die alone without you here,

Please tell me what we have is real.

Silence, you lost me, no chance for one more day,

I stand here alone falling away from you, no chance to get back home…

To forgive…

To forget…

Or just to regret…?

To forgive her, but why when she had done everything, just to help him. To mend his broken heart, picking the peaces of the scattered dream. Giving him an unimaginable illusion, too real to be a dream. To forgive her for what? Her kindness? Or her unworldly love fore every creature living? To forgive her for giving him the best few days of his immortal live?

No. He was the one, that should bed for forgiveness, for not answering to her plea to stay. For not explaining why had he gone away. And most of all for that pain- laced scream that he had thorn from her sweet lips, the unforgettable scent of tears that followed it, searing through the deadly- quiet forest.

To forget. He couldn't. Many times he had tried to stop the thoughts of her invading his head. To erase the memory of her icy eyes from his consciousness. He couldn't forget her. So what if she was never going to be his? So what if she was never going to love him? So what?

He couldn't forget.

He didn't want to.

He was still going to be hers. He was going to love for both of them. This dream of his. It had started from the dust, and in the dust it had ended. This dream. This illusion.

This was his reality.

His reason to live.

To fight.

To love.

To die.

To regret.

This was all that he was left with. Only his guilty soul remained. He didn't deserve her to be so kind toward him. So caring, to waste her time, her heart, just to make him believe that it was worth it. Regret that he hadn't saw what she truly was doing in time. Stopped her in time. He regretted ever hurting her so much, as falling in love with her. He didn't deserve this salvation…. This love…

He wanted to close his eyes and suffocate under his sorrow, still he didn't. The reason was that he knew that if he does so than he would see it all…

One silver book.

One beautiful woman.

One dream he didn't deserve.

One illusion he wasn't worth for.

And blue flowers everywhere….

(Flashback)

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No, no, NO!!! I'm not writing for that bastard to come back. Damn it do you even know, if he is going to come back?"

"Inuyasha!"- Cried the dark- haired beauty- "He is going to come back, and he will!"

"Kagome look"- Started the angry inu- "He haven't came back for three days… maybe he had decided to search for Naraku on his own, don't you think?"

"Yeah"- stated the monk from his place near the campfire- "Or maybe, he has some important job in his lands… After all he is the Western Lord…"

"Yes…"- whispered Kagome, blue eyes filling with tears- "Or he just can't stand me anymore…"

Silence met her words. Everyone in the camp knew that something had happened, but nobody was sure what.

Sesshoumaru was missing. Kagome was sad… Just a few more problems for the small shard- hunting group…

'Perfect'- Inuyasha thought as he started walking the dirty forest path, made by animals- 'Just perfect!'

I remember every word you said:

"Come back in time,

Come back!!!"

(Deep into the Western lands)

"Is he coming back now?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because he isn't!"

"…Now?"

"No."

"Where do we go?

We go!

She'll never know!!!"

Oh, who he hated this world…

This primal, self- centered world… World that was bringing pain, fear, hatred…

A dieing world… Killing world… World of the Killing Perfection…

His world… But never a world he really wanted.

"Why do I live?"- sometimes he asked himself- "Why do I suffer? Why do I take all this in?"

And- "Wouldn't it be easier if I just… give up. Say no the pain… Just pass over."

Sadly he knew he couldn't… There still was someone… deep, deeper in his heart…

He still loved her. Love was a really annoying thing- it comes unwelcomed in the worst moment, with the worst person and… the worst consequences. Love was a murder.

But he loved her… He hated "love", but he loved "her". This pain. This pain inside him was showing it. Why would he feel that way if he didn't care about her? No- he still loved her. More than ever.

Closing his eyes, she was there- waiting for him… willing to love him. In his head- she was always there, waiting for him to fall asleep and to tempt him into the debts of the dark bliss called "feelings".

Strange… He was a hunter. He was always after her. He was there when she was with her group… when she was alone. He knew the shape of hr smile and the smelt of her tears by heart. He was able to remember her scent even a million miles away from her… the blue shade of her eyes… the darkness of her rich, black hair… It was all there….

And still, he- the hunter was the one hunted, by the image of that perfect woman…

No, no woman was able to be that beautiful… An angel…

Or was she? This temptress, that came by night times in his dreams and made him forget who he was…

Demon… No… not a demon… Too pure was her heart, too untouched by the dark world was her soul…

She was just his Angel of Night…

Never his…

Forever his…

This suffer…Pain…Torture…

Gods, how he loved her!

All the vibrant colors I see,  
Are the shades that fill the grey…

…Pain…

Sesshoumaru's mind was empty as he was wandering thought the lush forest. The day was warm, the sun shinig over the eart. The forest was green and the birds were singing their lullabies.

Normally, the Lord Of the West would have enjoyed the sight that graced his lands…

But not now… Not today…. Never.,..

The landscape was grey to him. The sun wasn't shining… Not anymore… Not ever…

He didn't want to hear, if it wasn't her voice...

He didn't want to see if it wasn't her face…

He didn't want to live, a live without her…

He didn't want to be alone…

He didn't want to be alone…

Suddenly the peaceful aura of the green forest moved, like a living creature, and The Lord's senses went on fire. There, in the distance, was standing tall and strong, bear youkai, in it's original form. Usually not the one to such a fight, now the aristocratic assassin went strait for the pray.

He wasn't going to be the only one that was going to suffer…

I remember every word you said:

"Come back in time,

Come back!!!"

(Deep into the Western lands, again)

"Now?"

"No."

"Now?"

"No!"

"Mmmm… Now?"

"No!"

Small, simple, safe price.  
Rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets.  
This is not a small cut that scabs, and dries, and flakes, and heals.  
And I am not afraid to die.  
I'm not afraid to bleed, and fuck, and fight.

Kagome was sitting away from everybody in the camp. Her head hurt and she was ready to give all of her shards, if that was going to bring Sesshoumaru back.

She was guilty for his missing… If she just wasn't stupid enough to fall asleep, nothing of this wouldn't have happened… Maybe Sesshoumaru was out there, somewhere alone, hating her… Or even worse… With someone else…

That thought really made her heart race… It was painful to even think, that he could love someone else. Was se growing to… love him?

These feelings were so hot… at white heat, they made her hear race, made her gasp for breath. This wasn't anything like the childish love she had for Inuyasha… This was not only love... It was passion.

Burning inside of her was something new… something fragile yet strong…

She did… didn't she?

She finally took the last step…

She let go…

She fell in love with him…

…Sesshoumaru.

"Come back."

"Now?"

"No."

"Now?"

"No."

"Now?"

"No."

"Lord Sesshoumaru!"- Screamed Rin, her eyes going large.

"I said NO! The Lord ain't coming back, he… Oh gods…"- Moaned Jaken.

The great Lord Of The West stepped in the make- shift camp. The light was soft, but still the crimson stains over the always snow- white clothes. Under the large hole in his armor one was able to see a great gash dripping with fresh blood and something black, that Jaken was only able to think as poison.

Sesshoumaru took few steps forward until his feet seemingly weren't able to hold him anymore. Although his seemingly week appearance he gracefully took his last steps to a tree in the middle of the clearing where non less gracefully he sat down back to Rin and Jaken.

"My Lord…"- Started the green youkai his circular eyes going even wider- "You must…"

"Jaken,"- Cut him the Lord of the West- "Go and call my brother's miko."

"But, My Lord…"- Tried again the small demon.

"Call her,"- Sesshoumaru continued, as if he was never stopped- "And tell her, that she is to tend my wounds. I have a way to pay her off for the work."

Jaken's eyes opened wide, there in the only palm of his master were laying two sparkly pieces floating with almost unbearable force. Good and evil fighting in those two pieces of some ungodly power.

The untamed power that was tamed. The unbreakable force that was broken. The souls of the greatest miko and demons known to man and youkai- The Shikon No Tama.

The Lord of West closed his palm and whispered- "Go."

Jaken nodded grabbed the staff of the heads and made a gesture to Rin.

"Come on,. Now,"- he whispered- "You'll sleep in the saddle, there is a long way to go and we should leave the Lord alone to tend his lost youki. We should leave now, every second is important, you can sleep on the saddle can't you, Rin?"

"Yes, Rin can!"- Squeaked the little girl- "Rin can do anything for Lord Sesshoumaru!"

Secretly watching his ward and servant The Lord of the West let hiс thoughts fly elsewhere. The battle had been hard. The bear youkai he met was actually a part of a bear pack, using the power of the Shikon no Tama. Strangely, with the strength of the youki of all the demons the power of the jewel was **suppressed ****and almost unsinkable. After killing big part of the pack, only letting go the females and the cubs, deep in their den surrounded by the youki of those who were still alive, he found the two pieces of the Shikon no Tama****Maybe this was the reason why Kagome wasn't able to find them, despite her many attempts.**

… **Kagome… Always in the back of his mind, wasn't she? His eyes****followed Ah- Un as it galloped through the night sky. Finally alone he let his head fall backwards to the tree and close his tired eyes. Then slowly with the ripping of the night a tinny smile appeared over his moonlight- pale face.**

**The Great Lord of the West was dreaming.**

**And between the shades of grey, two pale blue eyes were burning their way…**

… **Straight to his heart.**

**To be continued….**

**Yes! OMG! It can't be!!! But it IS! AN UPDATE xX Yeah I'm stupid… no excuses, I just couldn't write this TT **

**Sowwy X(**

**I'll try, I'll really try to update more often TT**

**Thanks for all the reviews guys that is what made me try to continue this **

**I'm happy that u like ths **

**BTW: Soon every chap will be updated I already have worked trough 1, 2, 3, 4 ,5 and 6**

**Well, that's all cuties,**

**Luv KillingMeTender**

**P.S: Review and rate pleaseeeeeeeeeee (puppy dog eyes)**


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